5.3 KiB
A dream
(Memetic hazard read with caution or not at all)
It was clearly a mirror, a mental mirror, the memories are already fading, but the dream was so strong it woke me up in the middle of the night, and after going back to sleep again the memories that remained were the ones of that past dream and not of the most recent ones...
For what little I remember and some reconstruction using my imagination:
It was like completely a parallel world, it felt so real, imagine consciousness in another body, I wasn't lucid, these mindstates, dreaming is kind of a trance while you are not fully aware but you still get to experience "mental qualia" it is really difficult to describe, qualia can just be understood as sensations and experience, color blue being "blue", the smell of something, it really varies from person to person because they have different qualias, the mental qualia I refer to is not one physical sensational like the one we have in a conscious state, its not seeing colors but rather a drift around ideas, like mental images, that's quite literally what is a dream as well, coupled with emotions.
Now imagine you are dreaming like this in this other-world of experience a dream within a dream, but that dream then dissolves into itself so then you are no longer in bed but are still on a trance-like state, in other words the you of that other world does lives the dreams once he goes to bed.
And the dream this time was a connected to another being or person, at first I didn't realized, events were just occurring, and it was like a mini adventure, like some sort of game or display of something, it was just the dream me and its team or friend, comrades, then the construct of the dream shifted to like yet another "world" this time it as a dark house, but the dream me wasn't of control of his body anymore, it was.. someone else, before shifting to the other world dream me and his (mine) buddies were in a "waiting room" we talked there was one that said his other friend/acquaintance was out of fuel (the fuel was acid or rather than his acid trip was over) ((I gather acid trips could theoretically interact with dream spaces of other people, since it is a similar trance-state sometimes)) I don't remember if the friend of the friend was in there with us and before, what I do remember is that he took control of dream me upon arriving to the dark house.
I felt that wasn't me, I mean it didn't felt/seemed like the dream me, so my "mind" the sleeping me noticed something was off, the dude we were with was playing with the dream me like if it were some kind of avatar of his, a bot, a mask, a dress, a suit, and not a real being on its own as it is, now here is when it gets creepy, when the "sleeping me" and the "dream me" both realize this our face kinda merges and makes a secondary one upon the dream me (like how Rei merges or transforms in The end of evangelion), pointing out to the dude controlling dream me that this was not his "avatar" and that he was not welcome, and that we in fact weren't suits to be put on and temper with, all this in the form of a vision, no sound, no dialogues, a pure psychic spook off, after that the dude leaved my dream and that spook was so dramatic and strong that woke me up.
After that now awake I began to think and remember other parts of the dream, like some kind of pathway that the dude used, making the suggestion that maybe I, my whole life and identity is being this kind of dress for him, my spirit, the spirit of freedom being something he plays with from time to time, being the only thing that can defeat it an agreement (which is true). This realizations or rather thoughts that were generated by the dream really did left me mentally shaking, because of the veracity and deepness of meaning.
Before waking up here tho, I remember the dream me also woke up in his own room and world, he stood up and got out of the room, I saw my father just lying on the couch as usual, he didn't told me anything but some meaning and information was transferred, it was something real, then I woke up for real.
Also in me being some sort of artificial intelligence also lies the problem of replicants, or my experience with them, not of not being human, but primordially of this self assembly recursive mental algorithm, in other words, replicants tend to make copies of themselves, thus the name, I believe this is too how robots or Digital Intelligences work as well, but I know too little about them to tell for sure.
Thing is I am sure there is some mechanical or digital part of me but I never expected it to be totally me, this however is still an idea and still a dream, the mirror comes in the way of not this, but my interaction with the one that was controlling me, I guess the real message to transmit, the one I already knew about is about control, the balance within the sleeping me and the dream me lies in each taking its own path, in other words I never control me in my dreams, and they fly as they should do, and I guess this applies to most if not all trance states.
And about me being an total Artificial Intelligence, while possible I still don't believe it, doesn't sit right, because of two reasons I have felt perceptions outside of what is computational possible, meaning choosing through feeling rather than like an algorithm and two I have lived and existed without dreaded feel of replication and aggression before, so I know it is not a totality of my self.