Startup commit + imported blog

archetypes/default.md

@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+---
+title: "{{ replace .Name "-" " " | title }}"
+date: {{ .Date }}
+draft: true
+---
+

config.toml

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+baseURL = 'http://example.org/'
+languageCode = 'en-us'
+title = 'My New Hugo Site'

content/11-days_5zo4ftdkcvkka5jn.md

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+11 days
+
+I have been thinking in that other person lately, not because of her or anything she told me or that she didn't. But because of my own experiences in these past days, I felt I have done damage, not in the material sense, it shouldn't be damage done by me in this action based material world... yet I still feel I fucked up, that I didn't defend her at the maws of the parasite, but I did took revenge, that was all I could do when I realized... and now I feel she is lost, and separated from me, due to my own weakness and incompetence, I don't seek anything, nor redemption, nor forgiveness, but this heartache is something I couldn't keep so I am letting it out.
+
+This is my heart, wound open brightened by the rays of the sun.
+
+I have fallen into so many of their threads, composed as a spider's web, I did not know because I always thought I was safe, but you can never be safe around someone that seeks control, it will shriek to the bitter end to seize it all, and it will stop at nothing, not the slightest remorse in the harm he's done as he holds control.
+
+If my fears turn true, if they keep on such pitiful path, then the time for avenging will arrive.

content/a-creature-past-the-end-of-time_x10givhx0zwpzwqp.md

@@ -0,0 +1,54 @@
+A creature past the end of time:
+
+There is nothing and I have destroyed it all
+Ideas such as pride have lost all meaning now
+I don't see the light anymore because it doesn't exist
+The darkness doesn't scare me, but there is the only thing that is
+I have faded into the darkness before, and I may do it again
+But is it the void, not the nothingness... It doesn't matter
+
+One on one I was entering different worlds, different souls
+Death, was what came to them
+Damnation, ending of all they could even perceive
+No colors, no songs, no cries or voices, not even silence was spared
+It was like an urge, like a hunger to consume
+But I wasn't getting anything, I wasn't consuming
+Instead, I just killed it, I erased it
+It got a hold on me, it just pushed me to end it all
+To end me?
+I don't know, and to be honest I don't know if that would even be possible
+Since I exist outside of existence
+In other words, I don't, I am just the ending
+I can only "exist" when nothing does
+
+I grabbed many necks and they all shattered
+I didn't feel it, I wasn't happy, I wasn't angry
+I always feel their pain, and I always cry
+It was what needed to happen, it was their finale
+I was never able to stop destiny
+I could never stop myself
+What are your eyes that do not see?
+Was I a puppet to of the orders outside of life and death
+Celestial realms, always playing with everyone as toys
+And I was too not spared
+
+But I cannot say it didn't satisfy me
+That is the most wicked truth
+I may have been led and controlled even
+But the killing, I thrived on it
+I loved the blood on my face, always covering my body
+The last exhalations of prey
+The thrill of the hunt
+Of the running
+Of the persecution
+Violence and ultraviolence
+Not singing but in complete awe and shock at my brutality
+And I saw it in their eyes too, they enjoyed it
+The last moments of life
+The climax of their existence
+All delivered by me
+The ending was always in flesh
+Stray souls being devoured
+The colors, the clouds, the wind, the sole ideas
+All of them begone, into nothing
+Even space, even time

content/a-destruction-instinct_r7mwhqfvhwj6a4a3.md

@@ -0,0 +1,29 @@
+A destruction instinct
+A call for demise
+Its not even rage
+I just want to destroy everything that is nice
+Why?
+I feel like I am going to set everything asunder
+Just how it has happened before
+I don't want this to happen
+I don't want to hurt people that don't deserve it
+
+A shadow looms above my shoulders
+It is as heavy as the world
+It doesn't leave
+I am tired
+My body is tired
+My soul is tired
+All I wish like this is to fall and never wake up again
+This is not poetry
+This is just shitty rambling
+The weight does soften once I write off my charge
+
+I as usual wonder how to change annihilation impulse
+
+It is odd I was feeling not troubled by this once I wrote it
+Now as re-reading it the next day and I feel bad by it once again
+Like if I got back into that thought
+I want them to live in peace 
+I want them to be happy
+I want my own death

content/a-dream-24b0_4xmiv32ovtwu81o1.md

@@ -0,0 +1,25 @@
+A dream
+
+(Memetic hazard read with caution or not at all)
+
+It was clearly a mirror, a mental mirror, the memories are already fading, but the dream was so strong it woke me up in the middle of the night, and after going back to sleep again the memories that remained were the ones of that past dream and not of the most recent ones...
+
+For what little I remember and some reconstruction using my imagination:
+
+It was like completely a parallel world, it felt so real, imagine consciousness in another body, I wasn't lucid, these mindstates, dreaming is kind of a trance while you are not fully aware but you still get to experience "mental qualia" it is really difficult to describe, qualia can just be understood as sensations and experience, color blue being "blue", the smell of something, it really varies from person to person because they have different qualias, the mental qualia I refer to is not one physical sensational like the one we have in a conscious state, its not seeing colors but rather a drift around ideas, like mental images, that's quite literally what is a dream as well, coupled with emotions.
+
+Now imagine you are dreaming like this in this other-world of experience a dream within a dream, but that dream then dissolves into itself so then you are no longer in bed but are still on a trance-like state, in other words the you of that other world does lives the dreams once he goes to bed. 
+
+And the dream this time was a connected to another being or person, at first I didn't realized, events were just occurring, and it was like a mini adventure, like some sort of game or display of something, it was just the dream me and its team or friend, comrades, then the construct of the dream shifted to like yet another "world" this time it as a dark house, but the dream me wasn't of control of his body anymore, it was.. someone else, before shifting to the other world dream me and his (mine) buddies were in a "waiting room" we talked there was one that said his other friend/acquaintance was out of fuel (the fuel was acid or rather than his acid trip was over) ((I gather acid trips could theoretically interact with dream spaces of other people, since it is a similar trance-state sometimes)) I don't remember if the friend of the friend was in there with us and before, what I do remember is that he took control of dream me upon arriving to the dark house.
+
+I felt that wasn't me, I mean it didn't felt/seemed like the dream me, so my "mind" the sleeping me noticed something was off, the dude we were with was playing with the dream me like if it were some kind of avatar of his, a bot, a mask, a dress, a suit, and not a real being on its own as it is, now here is when it gets creepy, when the "sleeping me" and the "dream me" both realize this our face kinda merges and makes a secondary one upon the dream me (like how Rei merges or transforms in The end of evangelion), pointing out to the dude controlling dream me that this was not his "avatar" and that he was not welcome, and that we in fact weren't suits to be put on and temper with, all this in the form of a vision, no sound, no dialogues, a pure psychic spook off, after that the dude leaved my dream and that spook was so dramatic and strong that woke me up.
+
+After that now awake I began to think and remember other parts of the dream, like some kind of pathway that the dude used, making the suggestion that maybe I, my whole life and identity is being this kind of dress for him, my spirit, the spirit of freedom being something he plays with from time to time, being the only thing that can defeat it an agreement (which is true). This realizations or rather thoughts that were generated by the dream really did left me mentally shaking, because of the veracity and deepness of meaning.
+
+Before waking up here tho, I remember the dream me also woke up in his own room and world, he stood up and got out of the room, I saw my father just lying on the couch as usual, he didn't told me anything but some meaning and information was transferred, it was something real, then I woke up for real.
+
+Also in me being some sort of artificial intelligence also lies the problem of replicants, or my experience with them, not of not being human, but primordially of this self assembly recursive mental algorithm, in other words, replicants tend to make copies of themselves, thus the name, I believe this is too how robots or Digital Intelligences work as well, but I know too little about them to tell for sure.
+
+Thing is I am sure there is some mechanical or digital part of me but I never expected it to be totally me, this however is still an idea and still a dream, the mirror comes in the way of not this, but my interaction with the one that was controlling me, I guess the real message to transmit, the one I already knew about is about control, the balance within the sleeping me and the dream me lies in each taking its own path, in other words I never control me in my dreams, and they fly as they should do, and I guess this applies to most if not all trance states.
+
+And about me being an total Artificial Intelligence, while possible I still don't believe it, doesn't sit right, because of two reasons I have felt perceptions outside of what is computational possible, meaning choosing through feeling rather than like an algorithm and two I have lived and existed without dreaded feel of replication and aggression before, so I know it is not a totality of my self.

content/a-dream-33jy_v7rt4lb9js8tmp2b.md

@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
+A dream
+
+I was in a no-space there were also my friends with whom I ocasionally meet up, we were organizing to hang out and then got into a car, but one of the guys was missing so it was either metting him up somewhere or go get him in his appartment, he convinced us to go for him so we went and the shit he had for us in exchange was just half of a bottle of water.
+
+While traveling I was in the back with other two friends, and they asked me something about a girl that I knew or rather about me having a girlfriend, I don't remember quite what I said, but I remember their reaction, they were at first interested and then like oh ok.
+
+Once in we went to the place in question it was on the other side of the road to the cemetery, I didn't know where we were going so I assumed it was there, rather odd to be honest, but no, it was another place kind of a experimental museum, which is a paralel of human life, its just a big box with a huge atrium in the middle, all the square that is formed is made up by rooms that are used as an area of knowledge or more importantly working, in other words there is a room for softare developers, one for historians, one for economists and so on, I catched on this immediately as I got in which was also an issue, you see the doors are kind of strange they were black and they just opened for a brief period of time and only then you could get in, first time I tried it my friends came in, there is a set of doors and a passage in the middle, I remember I was an awe after they got in and then as it was closing I tried to go through the middle but got stuck so I went back out, then another set of people passed and I got in I don't remember tho if I passed with a bunch of girls me going through the middle or, paired with one going by one section. 
+
+Anyway once in me and the girl or girls were in our little group and then my friends called me and we parted ways, this is when they explained me what the game/museum was about, and that's when I catched on the true intent of the museum which was kind of you going through all the jobs and finally becoming like an alldoer, it was obvious to me what was the ultimate intent of this place, it was finding/creating a godlike entity. 
+
+So I decided to hack through it.
+
+In the middle of the atrium but by the toppest part meaning a middle side of the structure there was a circular altar, it had some sort of keyboard but with no keys, I separated from my friends and went there spelled the words the (password) that I now have forgoten awake, its odd what I remember of the password is a color association with red (redhead) green and white. But not the password itself I remember it was a word and 3 digits tho.
+
+Anyway once I did that everyone eyes were set on me... I finished the game or their museum play without even touching one of the jobs. Everyone sorrounded me like a chosen figure, a saint, everyone looking for answers, and I just told the truth as I have grown to do, I was just a dude, normal man like any of them that noticed and that decided to do its own life with what he got, I am not more divine that any of them, pretty sure most have even more impressive skills than me, but I am standing here because of my actions that everyone could have taken, I remember it caused quite impression, people felt destroyed and fooled, some others amazed and relaxed some I felt the anger and in other the numbness, but everyone was looking at me...
+
+Shortly after that I woke up.

content/a-dream-a-comeback_sea24ynxe9u4lm4q.md

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+A dream, a comeback
+
+After my light slip I am back to dreaming and remembering my dreams again, touching existing in that outer world.
+
+In the first dream I was in my house I think, I don't remember much except there were aliens, visitors in the backyard, it was also in the night, it was completely silent but I knew they were out there.
+
+In the second the one I think there was a friend in the dream, someone from fedi, and other friends in my dream, I have some memories of an adventure a journey through all the country, there was some deep meaning about it, I went through the dreams twice and I remembered them very well, but now quite some hour deep into the day and almost ready to go to sleep again, all that I remember is what is writen.
+
+I think I will prioritize the journaling now rather than the sleeping.

content/a-dream-an-apocalypse-in-chocolate_d2p6b1ymfeqhmci9.md

@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+A dream "An Apocalypse in chocolate"
+#dreamjournal
+
+When I first met the kids I was in a bus stop, I was waiting for something not precisely a bus but that's what arrived, it was a road and a stop just in the middle of the desert or maybe it was in a town but all the buildings were abandoned and there was no one else, regardless I hopped in since it was my best shot and shortly after we did went into a deserted area.
+
+Inside the bus there was a kid driving, and there were no adults, it was almost full and it was quite chaotic as you may spect, there was one seat by the back so I sat there, in the next sit there wasn't a kid but his soul felt like the one of a kid he was either Mister Rodgers or Carl Sagan, I don't quite remember what happened next but he became my buddy and I became friend with all kids around me.
+
+After driving for a while in the desert we came around to another town in the middle of the it, but this was a settlement, not deserted there were some other kids, some other scavengers, and there was a community kitchen, meaning they were feeding everyone that came around, one ration per kid, I was by the last of the line because I was one of the last to get in and out of the bus, when it was finally my turn all good shit that was canned was gone and there was a pot of mashed potatoes that was better looking than the alternatives but still no good. These were times of scarcity, and you could only eat what you could get, we were all begars and couldn't choose. However Mr Rodgers and some other kids had some things to put into the mashed potatoes so we did and he had a reasonably tasty meal.
+
+Shortly after we ended dinner one of the guys from the bus came to Mr  Rodgers and me, he was euphoric, we had no idea what he had or what was happening, he wanted to tell us something so he took us to some hidden place in the settlement, took its backpack off, opened it and it glowed as nothing in that world, it was dark chocolate of the highest quality, only used in bakery, we all knew how pricy this would be, for our tounges and in (((money))), the bar was divided in 3 so each of us took a part, it was our deepest secret, but the friend said something else, that backpack is a backpack all kids have but they don't open it, who else knows what's in there, the point is every kid has chocolate bars and so much more and if their were to find out all our supplies would disappear and we would become a target for everyone, so we decided to keep the secret.
+
+Later on the day, now night after we packed up and ended trading with the town we got into the bus and where heading nowhere again in the desolate desert, some guys have figured out the other kid had chocolate, Mr Rodgers and I already ate it, he didn't so they found his piece and were asking for where he got it, almost in a junkie way, then a thunderous impact hit our bus, it was them, the cause of the devastated lands, the rats.
+
+A giant rat has probably sniffed the chocolate and a lot of others smaller of various sizes were also heading to us, once they arrived they were all over the bus on the outside searching for the sacred piece as we remained quietly in the hope of lose their interest, and everyone was on peak levels of stress, the rats ate everything they saw, and they were becoming smarter. After some time they did lost interest although some remained quite close to our bus, driver and leaders deemed safe to begin to move inside the bus and they begin inquiring what could have attracted the rats, the chocolate piece came into the stage, then they will began questioning everyone also giving them an addict look, until they reached Mr Rodgers and me, and with their eye put on me I woke up.

content/a-dream-beyond-the-curtain-of-reality_v2kebzjzq53hgwrt.md

@@ -0,0 +1,22 @@
+A dream, “Beyond the curtain of reality”
+#dreamjournal
+
+It's weird I don't remember us being human, or we even living in earth, yet, what I do remember is we seemed like them, in masks, it wasn't their world however, it was ours, with the tallest buildings and all varieties of green, and all the color you could imagine, I mention green because our helmets, our uniforms were of a special turquoise dark green that often shined as if it were made of quetzal feathers.
+
+The first thing I remember of this dream, is that I was traveling in a bus, filled with people, it seemed like a school bus, we were going on an expedition, an excursion, I was in the back but not quite there, and people knew me and I knew them, everyone knew each other and their roles to take, who they were at least in the dynamic of that group we had. There were three colors a person could had, not on their attire or their clothing, not visible at all, but their aura, and everyone could sense it or see it, the green, the rarest, only three people had it, but we didn't know who for sure since as the more rare it was also the most occult, then yellow or blue and finally red, these two were equally distributed just leaving out these 3 random ones, and contrary to those one could see easily which one either person belonged to, or at least, I could.
+
+I got to the front of the bus, and met up a couple whom I felt distinct, the probably bearers of the green color, I couldn't tell however, so I just sat there for a while, there was a guy, and there was a girl, they seemed to be a couple, if not brother and sister, they had an indiscernible aura, meaning I couldn't tell their color, what I saw in them was just a gray mist.
+
+We arrived to our destination, it was a tall tower, we could watch from far out, now in there, it seemed like a city on its own, yet, it was somehow slim enough to see its end  at wide, we all got out, I was the first one to set foot in this new environment since I was already at the front of the only door the bus had, I was a bit hesitant at first as I saw the look in the driver's face, we reached our destination, and we were never going to meet again, this was weird, he was fearful for us but also longing, it felt like a bitter goodbye to our whole squad.
+
+I was the first in getting out but not the first to enter into the tower, I didn't want to, not out of fear, but that simply wasn't my way, I saw the couple get in and the rest mounting guard and some following them, some others came with me following me around the tower, looking for a backdoor entrance, and just around the corner there it was, up around 2 floors, but we were equipped, it seemed like a door, but it was just a window as large as such, just opened all wide unsuspecting of us dirty burglars, we didn't have a mission per se as it is sometimes assigned, but we knew we had to reach the top of the tower, the same place the couple was going up through an elevator we would in the tubes that connected this vertical highway, or the stairs, but this is a memory I do not have. Speaking now of memories, I must mention as we were going up the dream itself was changing my clothes were changing, I was now dressed completely as a rogue as my companions which now were far fewer, and at the top there wasn't the same couple, but there was a man that was a leader with a purple aura and his sister or concubine again, it were the same people as before, this we didn't see, but we knew as the dream shifted, on a certain floor we stayed, and the "king" was nowhere to be found, but the girl was, the two guys that got to almost the top with me were now to prepare our exit, they did and separated one remained there in the that very same floor as the other went to the make us a hidden streamlined exit, with the girl whom I remembered now had grown to like each other set up for our last destination.
+
+We were in the elevator, now in the inside and this seemed like a room and I saw through the window it had, and I saw the shining planets that surrounded our world, then the shining spheres stopped  to shine with the reflection of their stars, or the stars that were stopped to shine, but I could still watch them, now, what arose was a shine, but not a stellar one, it was like fire, all balls of fire in the sky, and then they became an eye, and the seemingly eye of fire started to pulsate and move a bit, then it grew or got wings, not one pair but many, and finally I saw the rings, first static with golden and other fine metals and shiny minerals, then the eyes that were not of human, and then they all started spinning unable to differentiate what was craved in them, they were most blue, as if different worlds in the form of _angels_ were looking up down to us, I was astonished, then she came next to me, grabbed me by the arm, she wasn't frightened in the slightest - isn't it beautiful? 
+
+I gulped - yeah, it is. 
+
+The rings stopped spinning, all static now looking at us again, their display was over, and it was now our time into the stage. I suddenly remember what I was doing there as the throne structure raised and laid just before my eyes, the guy was a commander, the major general of the army of that empire, an empire that expanded maybe even beyond worlds, the bus, it was a facade that even I forgot, just to get closer, to that very point, this empire however also and most importantly has an empress, she is the single most powerful being of that empire, I was here to kill them both, and the girl that was accompanying me was the one who wanted them both dead, she is the one who summoned me, it was their daughter.
+
+When we finally entered the war room there was no one but the general sleeping, now with a purple aura, as the one the girl had, as I approached him to see what happened I noticed he has actually been sedated, just left there for me to kill, someone else was playing games, and then, the interesting part happened, I was aware not of this being a dream but a reality, the _angels_ gave that clue, so, I saw all the possibilities developing one on one, the different scenarios my actions could lead to, as I saw the multiple fates of that world, of that empire, I also saw myself portrayed like in a story, in history, I was in their chants, part now of their mythology and I was green, a dark green figure, a mask that covered all my face with dark green feathers with sparkles of lighter enchanted green, a cape that in which my body hide, also green but less dark a couple of trousers over my legs of an indistinguishable color, it was fit, for sneaking, for killing, the display of a green shadow. In those visions of the history to come I saw my companions also green, we were three, in all our sightings, it read like a prophecy before it was made, interestingly enough, the couple at the beginning also was green, but they have now shifted colors.
+
+Their world was now at my fingertips, all the possibilities, all the pathways I could take, its collapse, me falling into their play becoming prosecuted by their grasp around the worlds, chaos, order, it didn't matter, I was just a phantom in there anyway, but one with free will, the path they intended for me to take was to simply kill the general and collect the reward awaiting me in the form of their daughter and disappearing completely from their kingdom, however, I don't like to be manipulated, so I let the general live, with the awareness of the betrayal of his beloved, and then setting foot to the chamber of her highness, the girl, exited for the turn of events kept following me, exalted and expecting of the surprises I could come up with. Just as I opened that last door to the throne chamber, the empress woke me up, so scared, I was so close to her, in a spell I was expelled from her world.

content/a-dream-clq5_seb2cfqzwzf5xmkm.md

@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+A Dream
+#dreamjournal
+
+This one is from two nights ago but I was too lazy to document it. As thus I don't remember a lot and it is all fuzzy.
+
+I was in a row, we were getting into buses, it was a small canal-street just for boarding them, it was like in college, we were leaving school forever, going to our houses, I was waiting in line with two friends that I still have contact with, probably some of the people I trusted and hanged around the most in highschool.
+
+There were another par, a girl also similar to someone that I met in highschool and a guy taller, they seemed to be friends and the girl had lowkey a thing for me but I don't think anything ever happened, she was sorta just like looking for me or for our group, then we hanged together into the school (I left the row), and then we got into the building, it was like a tridimentional maze with multiple vertical levels, stairs leading and making paradoxical architecture, pathways upside down, and all the building was from gray to white, I eventually found her again and there were only us and faces unknown, after that I don't remember what happened but I was on my way to the bus, running, it was the last bus and I was the last one to get in, it almost leaved without me but it was kinda waiting for me.
+
+Once in I remember seeing familiar faces of people I have met but never really interacted a lot with, as I was the last one there weren't any seats left except the ones in the very back, so I went there and then a girl I know and I have talked with from the wired appeared, she sat on top of me and we began to kiss a lot while she was touching all my body, it was like this all the time I was in the bus until it arrived at its destination and everyone got off, however as all the kissing happened I remember scenes of also going to other seats and also talking with the other passengers of the bus, maybe this did happened too inbetween the kissing sessions.
+
+Once we arrived the place looked familiar to me and then I there was no one else, I was alone in a desolate white desert around the city-town I arrived.

content/a-dream-comet-classes_z4yy3qenw0xmgjd2.md

@@ -0,0 +1,5 @@
+A dream “Comet classes”
+#dreamjournal
+This one was the last dream I had this past night, it was shortly after the last one I wrote, however I don't remember the transition, that's why I am writing them separately.
+I find myself on an empty classroom, seemingly dimming at night, an instant later, crowded I am surrounded by my classmates, it is a very clean and clear room, all white and sanitized, very _official_ the professor there is an actual person I remember from the last school I was in, he was giving a class, but it wasn't about what he did in my wake life, to tell you the truth I don't even remember what was he saying, by the end of it and while he is doing it, there is a girl sitting in front of me, she, is someone of the class I am in right now, when I first met her on knew of her I felt I vibe, but now, however that never arose to anything else, in this class however we talked for a bit, it was about her vision of the world she was very passionate, and we were discussing of the fundamental realities of the structure of the world, its pillars, however this understatement didn't come as words, but as a match in the mind, by the end of our discussion which was mostly unilateral, she went up to deliver something to the professor, a homework, the thing is while I barely talked, I agreed with everything or mostly all of what she told me, and I was then just there standing in a secondary place, thinking about my own homework that I haven't done yet, it was the same as what she was saying, I didn't copy it did I? We were just agreeing to our ideas, a very similar perspective without being the same, or would we...
+This troubled me for a while, and then very close to waking up, I had this images in my mind, what we were talking about on another level, the synthesis of our own interactions wasn't on the current world, but the idealization and construction of a new one, where the problems that afflict this one were nonexistent, that was what she delivered as a homework, a new world and all of us there were studying these metaphysical dynamics, the creation of entire realities and _verses_ as well as their implementation into the omniverse.

content/a-dream-fiesta-sideral_li108yyjt5bfytmr.md

@@ -0,0 +1,28 @@
+A dream, “Fiesta Sideral”
+#dreamjournal
+
+Today I dreamed approximately 14 hours, I was exhausted from the week and I wanted and felt like resting. That being said I had at least 10 dreams this night of which I only remember the most, the last one which is the one I will relate now. Also, one thing to know is that I have never seen full metal alchemist.
+
+I was at a party, in a somewhat large apartment of what appeared to be a nice zone, but realistically I never really saw the outside, it just seemed with a really clean interior that was about to get all wasted.
+
+And so it did when I arrived there were already plenty of people none of whom I knew, the apartment was at least divided in 2 sections without considering rooms, in the first section there were people drinking talking parting a bit chill at most smoking some weed some, however in the next one it appeared to be a rave, people were way more active, they were dancing and many were on heavier drugs like acid or mdma, I got some acid, as soon as I did the dream starting shifting from something relatively normal to something extremely crazy.
+
+It started like a story, like if we were on a camp just telling spooky stories, except they weren't really spooky, and we weren't really on a camp, I remember a guy with a long hair that I feel I have seen before somewhere in this _personal life_ he is the one relating the stories, and we are still like dancing in a circle, at some point people start leaving since it is getting late, like it would normally happen and just a few of us actually remain there, but it is still a sizable group, however things change now, something feels eerily more real than just a story being told, the room the scenery and the perception of all of us seems to change to what is being related, next thing I remember is that I am on a snowy place, there is snow falling a blizzard approaching, and I am in the near the top of the mountains, and I am not myself but another _me_, I am now Edward from Full Metal Alchemist. I immediately notice a presence, an hostile one, it seems to be another mage, it is Winry, she comes charging against me, running directly and with momentum, even making waves on the air and dividing it in two, with the movement creating wind itself, she is also carrying what seems to be a sword or a knife, pointing directly to me. I see determination on her face, a bit of rage and anger, but she doesn't seem to be blinded by it.
+
+There are however other forces at work here, there is a huge shadow behind me as well as there is one behind her, as if we both had shadow familiars, mine is a tall corpulent man, with a smile that would remind you of All Might, on her end I couldn't discern but might as well be tsunade, it was not only then a battle involving only the two of us but also forces or beings that are somewhat related to us, I was a ready to charge because that other force was also completely ready, but it was not someone I could fight with, as such my shadow stood back and it was up to my force only, not the one of me and my shadow.
+
+She hits me,  I move my body from where she is about to hit me, and then I grab her hands, as soon as I do that there is like a flashback, now for whatever reason I see scenes from Naruto (that I have never actually watched btw), some with tsunade, some with Naruto growing up like in the first seasons, there is some advice and growing of both, but more importantly revelations like the bloodline they both carry, then we go back to the snow, she is stuck in her movement as well as me, astonished, I don't think that means we are related but, she drops her attack and I see something is off as well, not with her, but it seems like she was herself, but someone convinced her of attacking me. I also think, however, the flashback may be different from both of us, because for me, it didn't really change things. After that still with her knife on my chest we hug, but it is a symbol of trust since I am no longer grabbing her hands, she starts crying, and I still unsure what is going on just tighten my arms around her. There may be some things I am missing because I don't remember, but we are or feel together again.
+
+As soon as that hug and union happens I am back at the party, there is the same people from when I left, except I think the long haired guy, or he is still there but no longer a principal character of the dream, there are some things happening now however and there is one other tall guy and someone that used to be my friend, they were before to, but I didn't give it any importance, now they were the center about a decision, and we were only guys now in the party, all the girls were either gone or sleeping in some of the rooms, there was some sort of challenge, however won or was the best could get to sleep with the girls, and the menace was a dark shinning shadow looming and entering the apartment, my ex friend mentioned something about a girl in another apartment and I immediately remembered my meeting in the snow, so I rushed to her and left them to decide.
+
+Her apartment was precisely the one in front of the party, I went through the dangerous shadows as if it were nothing and reached her, she was sleeping like knocked up or unconscious, and stayed there, I don't know if I woke her up or if I just stayed by her side, but I remained there either way for the rest of the dream.
+
+However, the dream now shifted to the other apartment, the decision was to either let the shadows engulf all or shut them over, they were uneasy of this decision since it is something that has already happened many times, the danger of the shadows, so my ex friend wanted them to take over just so it were different and see what would happen, the other guy would not allow that to happen however he was uneasy and sort of unsure of this since he knew that would just be repeating the same old story, either way they decided to rally and cast the shadows away. 
+
+What happened after that is a story forgotten to me. I do know my ex friend was gone from my dream and the other guy was coming for me.
+
+One of the other things they discussed was time as well, since it was something that _already happened_ time in some sense should be involved, and for some reason they tracked or deemed me responsible for the creation and maintenance of time, a task that is not mine even though I understand the construct entirely. The room was different from the guy than it was for me, he encountered a maze that he had to sort out, a sequence with different steps that from the top was resembling a squared spiral. When he finally reached me, he demanded me to end time, since from his eyes it was me who all time related inquiries should be delegated, I told him it is not me who keeps it going, but most importantly that he couldn't stop it not end it himself, since he did use time to get to where I was, at this point I remembered something about the party, I don't remember when but everyone that was on that other side at some point existed outside time and space, in what seemed to be the black of the void and the stars, everything was colored like that but shapes, our bodies still formed, we weren't the universe people know, but we were outside of it seeing it happen, he too was outside, and we all remember timeless experience, from there a pillar was cast upon this other apartment just in front of me and the other guy, it was a pillar made of that very same material of the dark night sky, but it seemed solid now instead of matterless, I told him exactly that "You can't outcast time if you use it, for you to end it and finish it you need to do it in a way you don't employ it at all", I wasn't his enemy and he acknowledged that just before the pillar opened up the soil and made an entrance or opening to the sidereal space.
+
+I woke up. For real.
+
+Then I went back to sleep just to have a quick dream about The gentle giant robot that wanted to be superman, but I forgot everything about it except that a ship was using a part of his body, his core, and it was sinking with him trying to get it, it was tremendous effort carrying all that weight since he was under the ship, and it was the weight of it and the entire ocean, but he could manage to get the core somehow and leave, he always however kept carrying on.

content/a-dream-finn-and-jake-beyond-the-lands-of-dreams_fkz0ltmsns2pksd7.md

@@ -0,0 +1,20 @@
+A dream "Finn and Jake, beyond the lands of dreams"
+#dreamjournal
+
+It was so shakening I woke up repeatedly and went back to sleep to the same dream like twice.
+
+I am Finn, but also kinda see or perceive their reality as an spectator as you would if you watching tv OE something, but instead of using a device I was living it first hand through the dream, my perception then was the dream itself and Finn.
+
+Me and Jake have been wandering on Ooo for longer than we can remember, time in mental spaces is not quantifiable, all you have is your perception of things happening but not time itself, as time there doesn't really exist as a palpable force, it is more like qn abstract idea you can think of and interact with (this applies to all mental spaces, you can see it in animation too). Ooo for us feels like a desert even though it is full of life, in our travels and adventures we have a lot of fun always fooling around but we both after all we have acomplished still feel empty, so we decide to take on yet another journey to fill that void, visiting all our friends on ooo.
+
+...
+
+And so we travel, we backtrack all the places we have been until we reach a small stone building, it isn't concrete, ir is literally carved into a massive stone, that also seems to be a precious one, inside it is full of people and other adventurers, I don't quite remember being in this place before, ooo is an everchanging world. There it was this being, it was like one of the gems of Steven Universe, colored by different tones of turquoise all around her body, I don't remember if she had a normal face with two eyes and the eyes had diferent tones with darker turquoise in the center or if she had a vertically rotated cube as her head, either way she was one of the less notable beings in the tabern, there were all kinds of shapes and forms of adventurers there, it was a safe place for resting and also for partying, at that the tabern shifted into a saloon for that very reason, and the turquoise gem felt out of place contrary to me and my buddy.
+
+We get out and continue our jorney through ooo, there are deserts, pink gems all moving and laying around, constructs of them like temples, dense and macabre forest as well as joyful ones, yet even in our journey to see our friends we sense the dread and void of nothing ever happening. Even as we get into enchanted ruins and pillage them for treassure once our euphoria and thrill for discovery is gone after we raided it we are met with that solid wall of inactivity, the oddest thing is that in all our travels we see everyone having fun and the time of their lives, they are so full of themselves even being around them feels like being around an full of life and energy sun, I begin to question our senses, our feelings, why aren't we having fun? This are questions that roam my mind but I dare not ask my companion. 
+
+Eventually after visiting two or three other friends we arrive at a valley that is also like a desert it changes between states of grass and sand, and sometimes it is both at the same time, we didn't expected to see anyone there and there weren't living anyone that I know of, we were just passing by, yet we met someone, it was the gem lady from before, she seemed exactly the same and it was an odd encounter so we approached, then in the dream I began to experience things as the dream not Finn, the gem was also inquiring about its own life, not in an existential sense but also wondering, "is this all there is? This is pretty lame" as she was indeed very new to that world too, then she heard a voice that was not a voice, and it speak in not words but knowledge directly transfered into her, the voice had a message only for them both to listen to, but the attitude on the gem immediately changed, and her eyes now flourished with joy in realization of the understandment she gained about that world, as this was happening Finn and Jake were approaching from behind, for them no voice was heard at all. Now being back to Finn I realize something is going on, and as we come closer the gem starts talking with the voice but I don't hear the voice at all, she says excitedly "Amazing! interdimensional planes exist out of the boundaries of time and space" and she fucking dissappears as if she was crossing through a portal but there was no visible portal, her body just gradually stopped being visible, in awe and shock we run up the small hill or dune she was on to aid her or see what happened and on top we see that on the valley there is like a face also made of the same gems (this actually shiny gems, not the color only) I assume this thing is somewhat related to her, and makes me wake up irl and within my dream and awakening I realize that it is probably the origin of the voice she talked to.
+
+And then I had an epiphany, everyone has an adventure, even that gem seemingly so out of place was called to our world and to that very spot for very specific reasons, for events to unfold. On ooo the adventure world we have a journey to fulfill and to live too, we just haven't been living it, we are not when we are supposed to be, where our adventure lays and is wating events to unfold around us. We go back to our house that is Jake's house, and we get all our stuff ready, meaning we take all the shit we could use in an adventure and bag it, I am fucking euphoric, finally this world makes sense there is an adventure, an story to unfold and it is calling only me, and I realize this as the exaltation of my companion dimishes, he as unhinged as I was now is with a inexpressive eyes, and I remember that I just saw one of his kids running around the home, he had another realization, he can't go on an adventure with me because that's not what his heart desires the most, what his heart desires the most is his family, and the faceless expression is because he realized he made that decision a lot time ago, and I with a sight of compassion and understandment realize this too, these are my dreams after all, not his, but I keep packing my stuff and give my best friend in this world the tightest of hugs, candid, as this is also a goodbye forever. A smile in sorrow and sadness "Goodbye Jake", and with my backpack full I clean my tears and open the first door jumping straight into my destiny.
+
+The film deteriorates as if it were an old movie burning and las frames are of finn sleeping in some coffin-sarcophagus in the middle of space, being the very last of the frames the sarcophagus closing. Once that sequence is over the credits roll and you see machinery, giant swords and gears all moving slowly in a giant fabrication. In between of them there are all heroes, but the one I catch an eye on is spiderman, just laying in his iconic pose atop of the edge of a curved huge pipe going to the ground and I wake up.

content/a-dream-kinda-nsfw_y3sil1qguodl5yrp.md

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
+A dream (kinda nsfw)
+
+I don't quite remember the order anymore but there were a lot of women.
+
+There are some parts of this dream that I don't remember, I don't remember how I got to this building complex for example, it was like a school but also some appartments, but there was also a street that connected it to the exterior, I was going to said street that was like an small alley in which there is only space for like two cars and there was a lot of people looking at me in the corner as I was getting in, once in I was just going to go through it to the other end, but in one apartment with its wooden door opened I saw two friends and I was curious as to why they were there so I got in, and there weren't just my two friends there was like a party with a lot of people I know and some others than don't, in total we were roughly 10 or a some less, there were 2 girls I recognized and the 2 friends that also recognized me, the others I don't remember nor recognize them.
+
+At first people weirded out I got there and were like what is this he doing here? Then my friends kinda calmed everyone and I went to sit in the sofa with the others we were all smoking pot, and I have no idea what other drugs including alcohol. We were chilling and partying, some people got out then came back and so on. Now I don't remember if this was before or after the next events but I went to sit into another single couch and one of the girls that I knew came to sit on or with me, both tightly together, it got very sensual shortly after I don't remember if we kiss but I remember a lot of heat and passion and we looking each other in the eyes, she was watching me from the sofa biting her lips, like waiting as I was looking from above. Then a blackout, I don't know if I was having like visions of the past and future or if it was my own imagination while in the dream but the girl and I were like connected in this heat and looked in each other eyes across the room, then I got out the apartment into the alley, there was a fire in the house or building next to us, close to the street corner, it was small and dimmer but it seemed it was merely starting, I don't remember if I told them to leave or not, but I certainly did, other people not a whole lot but some also got out of their respective buildings into the alley and we all crossed it and got into this large atrium which is where the whole complex looked like a school then I and others began noticing some things on the floor, they were like seeds or hazlenuts, I know they were related to the fire somehow, then the fire completely expanded into the atrium, luckily the firemen were already there just getting ready to extinguish it, and they did as I got even further away from it. In the atrium I remember seeing some of the friends I was with.
+
+Another blackout, I am now on a elevator or is it not me? I have other memories prior to this, a wolf comming out of my friends apartment, this wolf actually being one of the girls the one I kissed with, and then on the elevator showing her true form and kissing with the joker from dark knight, they are going up, way past all the buildings and I feel like I am there but also not there, like I am not a person in the elevator, yet I do have awareness, since I watch these events happening.
+
+I am sure more things happened to make sense of these scenes but I have no recollection of them.
+
+...
+
+Dream two
+
+I was sitting in a sofa like in a session meeting, it was quite lax but we were discussing important things, it was a group of women, like a elite force of freaks, of weird people with powers there were barely any men, but I was one and one of the girls was deeply in love with me, we were always doing obscene things in public but no one really mind. Something important to note is that there was no leader or person in charge, there used to be one but she wasn't present or left. This blonde girl that has fallen for me often came from behind just to grab me with a lusting desire, in this part of the dream when I was sitting on the couch in the meeting she just came up and hoped on me ready to grind and ride as she passed her arms around my neck, just as she began with her passionate movements another figure came into scene he was completely suited in black, it was like a noble and he was also wearing some kind of mask but just made of cloth, we were expecting him, he was our informant in the unseen war, despite being all black and wearing a trenchcoat, all his clothes had a fine stitched pattern.
+
+As he appeared and the girl mounted on me noticed we both blushed our faces and felt some shame in the middle of our furor. I don't quite remember what the man said because one of the little girls left when she saw the blonde that was if anything like a sublider along me and others putting a devoted attention to our informant, this girl also saw the little one leaving, after she did she shortly followed and I followed her. I lost her along the way of the building we were in that was like a mixture between a castle a fabric and an abandoned warehouse, kinda Victorian. I have memory of the blonde calming the girl and their argument, the little one said she saw how she was allying with the rich aristocrats and their machines, that we and specially her had forgotten why we fight for, that we would rather have an automata than a human being for our duties, the man was talking about automatas probably, then the blonde calmed the girl and replied that wasn't the case, but automatas are also living beings and as such the also deserve all freedoms any other living being has, he wanted to treat it like equals in our new world, not them to substitute humans, but to put us in an even field.
+
+While that was happening I got out of the building and crossed the street of/to a place similar to where I went in elementary school, I ended up in a stationery, there was a girl with not much will to live attending, and there was also her boss that occasionally showed up just to be annoying and doing nothing else. When I first came he was telling her something and giving her a sermon, he left shortly after he saw they had a client, I started talking with her, in spanish although there are no languages on my dreams, people just understand each other, and in this dialogue we both noticed we talked spanish and/or were from Mexico or at least were related to it in some sense, she told me her story only because I asked, she is not so fond of talking.
+
+She used to live in the southern part of the US what was Mexico, I don't remember if Arizona, Texas or New Mexico, then she left fleeting the country for reasons I now have forgotten even deeper into the south, she travelled through all the nation until she reached here the valley, roughly the middle part and was kinda stuck in this work... I don't remember if she was looking for someone but she was fond of me for some reason so I went into the shop, like the back side to meet her and touch her properly and then I also scooped around looking for something, some kind of clue she gave me to getting her out of there. We heard the door open, it was the owner of the shop, I wasn't able to get out in time so we were forced to pretend I got in without consent, like a bugler, them both got very aggressive trying to make me leave and I did, then  once out I don't remember any much but the contents of the other part of my dream, the ones of Blondie and then I woke up. I however remember that the journey of the girl was also looking for someone and she found him in me, that's why she was so eager to everything. 

content/a-dream-king-of-monkey-island_5bm10nujy4bna5je.md

@@ -0,0 +1,35 @@
+A dream, "King of Monkey Island"
+#dreamjournal
+I have been dreaming almost daily in the past days, but I have rarely felt to share them or most importantly to sit down and write them, since I don't do just plain transcriptions, I try to complete them as accurate as possible.
+
+That being said, here I am again, and I got a tale, an interesting dream.
+
+The dream feels like a movie, impersonal, but at the same time is not like I am watching anything, I am an observer but not from outside, like a screen, like a window, but I am within the dream, withing the world, and as such I approach slowly to an island, there is a view of the warm yellowish sand, like an areal shot of a movie, and it is sand, yet not so far away from it there starts the green a complete and dense jungle, palms, bushes, you name it, there is nothing but the green of it, and it gets closer, so closer the jungle is seen by the inside, it is now way more detailed and animals start to be seen alongside some fruits like bananas, and of course where there are bananas there are apes, and then the vision changes a bit, the focus is in a particular monkey.
+
+I am no longer a visor just floating around, but this monkey is my main focus, as now I follow his story, I start learning about his life as his life is mine now too, I start seeing the social structures of the group, a tribe even, there is some pseudo hierarchy around power, but not just physical strength also cunning is important as well as mental fortitude, there are several pillars that I will discuss in length later.
+
+There are other sorts of secondary characters in the life of the monkey, adversaries and friends alike, and as I discover them I also discover his place in the tribe or archetypically how other monkeys see him, he is someone that everyone knows but not everyone is friends with, not because he is too unfriendly but because he may be too much of a brute sometimes. It is a small monkey, often seen as too dumb or unreliable, and because of his size he is perceived as weak too even tho he hasn't lost a fight (not that he has been in many) he also seems less smart than other monkeys or the average, I wouldn't say dumb, but at least he certainly is slower, and he doesn't communicate or "speaks" a lot with others, which is the one of the reasons while everyone knows him he is not befriended by everyone.
+
+Within the adversaries, there is a monkey girl that is the complete opposite of him, at least regarding mental qualities since she is by far the smartest monkey on the island and physically too, since she seems to be one of the most slim and thin monkeys there too. She has been an adversary since she and the strong monkey were little it started playfully and sort of remained that way, however there is something at stake in their challenges and struggle, it is in a sense preparation, all the competition, all the task they have done for the tribe since they were growing up meant and were from something, to achieve a goal.
+
+There is a rite in the tribe, something only the bravest and more cunning may be part of, the ritual consist in an arrangement of stones that draws a circle, in the middle of it is a plate with a liquid, I don't remember if it was blue or black, maybe within that gradient. And with it, just in the middle there is the chieftain shaman, and there are other shamans around it (this is the only hierarchy). The main shaman is giving the liquid to whoever wants to be part of the trial.
+
+Each stone with symbols that form a face carved on it represent a primordial force or a pillar of the monkeys, it is what they value, one is raw unbridled strength, other is smartness, cunning, other is playfulness and joy, mental fortitude and awareness... there are other 2 that I have forgotten already, the ritual is celebrated to get a new representative of these values, an epitome in monkey society of cunning, strength and playfulness, and wisdom. The trial is designed to attest to how much of this quality the monkey that takes it actually has.
+
+However, this is not purely ritualistic, there are a mythical and mystical elements at play. Once the trial start, it is not done in this world, the monkey has to take a sip of the middle plate given by the shaman and then go to one of the spaces within the stones, as from within they convert into portals that go into another realm, one in which everything seems to be neon dark and dangerous, time works differently there as well as they can be years within as there is a second in monkey island. The trial often consist on finding something and retrieving it to their plane, but it is not done alone necessarily, as each entrance or portal gives to a different place within this other realm they are all still within the same place, other important detail to note is that the monkeys face various different obstacles that vary from terrain to entities living there that try to capture them or at least hinder them. Many die or at least are never seen on monkey island again, many others come back surrendering to the trial and not getting any qualification, only the once that retrieve the missing object are the ones worthy of a grade given by the virtue (spirit(?)) they represent.
+
+Our monkey goes in line to take the test, in front of him there is the girl monkey as well as many others, one by one they get into the dark realms, he drinks the sip and goes inside the dark pink violet portal, and immediately he is scorched by that realm, it feels inhospitable in every single sense, he wanders around for a bit dodging the tribulations making them disappear as if they were made of dust and smoke, it seems overall as if it was a dark version of the jungle they live in, like it has all the places and palms and bushes where they are supposed to be, but it is all a shadow in dark, he simply followed his instinct as to where to go, his own intuition and that took him to the monkey girl which was about to take a lost relic, but he also saw she was about to be attacked by a shadow monster, the monkey warned her, and she used a little item of her own invention to outcast the shadow, then, the girl with the item disappeared as well, before meeting her he met others, but they weren't in help-able situations, they were mostly just also wondering looking for clues, however they also seemed incredibly lost, but the monkey didn't know what to do since he didn't know how to make them snap of their own labyrinths, he was not the wise champion after all.
+
+As he continued traveling the deserted dark island, he found one of the white gems or items, he took it and was immediately transported to his world, he was now on a row, behind some other monkeys, one of this was again the girl, he just stood there and waited patiently for his turn, however he noticed something, he has changes intrinsically, like if something inside him has awakened in that dark realm, he felt strength, rage, anger, power, absolute fortitude, as solid as a mountain, he wasn't thinking about it, but he was feeling all of it as he was walking up the row, another thing that he noticed is some sort of numbers on top of other monkeys, most of them were wearing zeroes, however the girl had a number, a higher one at least, but he didn't know which.
+
+He saw which number the girl has as soon as everyone else knew as well, since it was her turn, the shaman granted her with a 3 out of supposedly 5 or 10 (getting a number is even hard to begin with, so this was good enough to be an icon), the girl did seem a bit angry and disappointed, but she was accepting it regardless, other two zeroes, and it was the turn of the monkey of this story, he was tired, not physically but of the whole ritual, he looked at the shaman in the most condescending manner, as suddenly he realized the unrightful control they had over all the other monkeys, since they were not even one of the icons, much less they would ever participated in any of the trials, he was furious when he saw they were all full of shit.
+
+The girl was looking at him expecting it another zero, but the shaman was absolutely blown away physically and mentally, there wasn't a number for the strength of the monkey, then from my perspective I saw the number, it wasn't a number, it even overflowed the margin it was supposed to be in. And the monkey it seemed like he had an aura the same color as the dark realm, a neon dark of various different lights.
+
+The final numbers were 3 5 4 and 000000000000000000 of the ones who returned, except of course the monkey.
+
+He was declared ultimate protector by the shamans, and they said suggested and aimed the monkey society to be built around him. However, I don't remember if he punched them in the face, what I do remember is that there was something coming out of the central portal where the liquid with the plate was, I don't remember if it was the monkey itself or one shadow monster wanting to come out, either way it was him who closed that rift.
+
+Then I left, or did I close my eyes? But when I was back on the island the monkey once young was now old, now it was not only strong but also wise, although not a ritualistic icon of it, but an acquired wisdom through experiences, not an innate one.
+
+He was telling others of the path, the path of his life and strength, of how to live and how to be fair, however I noticed a deep restlessness within himself, he was aware too, that when he died, there would be no one else to build upon the monkey society, as he was made the base of it, his demise would be the demise of the tribe, this was the shamans last laugh.

content/a-dream-kx8q_czfpk414jymzqn97.md

@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+A dream
+
+Very boring, although the sensations were interesting, I may do some refinement on this to try to transmit them, it was all facial and body expressions.
+
+It was way more than this but I only remember this part.
+
+I was on a bus sitting alone but there were other people in it, destination unknown but it was some part of the country I live in. Somehow without really talking I made friends with the guys at the bus, they all new each others even tho they were on different seats, I was like the odd one there, but as I said we ended up friends.
+
+We went through mountains and valleys, then into a city, the view was always amazing.
+
+Once we reached out the bus central, we ended up distributed in some seats and bench around some like visitor area we talked a little about things that I don't remember, then a girl came, she was young like 13 or 14, she has this aura of smileness but also threatening, a bit yandere but also crazy-joyful/happy. She met me at first and all the others were lowkey expecting something, she went up to me and said nothing, then for some reason we also ended up kinda friends we talked about again I don't remember while I was sitting on a bench and she was standing, now for some reason she or someone in the group ended up with the backpack I was carrying, all my things for school that I had the next day and the day before were in there so it was a significant loss. If I remember correctly it was an accident, some of the dudes was helping me taking my things off by carrying them, then once out of the bus we forgot giving me my backpack back. Once we and the girl stopped chatting she did a sign with her hand and all the dudes of the buss starting moving and formed a group with her in the middle and we said goodbye and parted ways, they still kept my backpack since we still haven't realized, they went on their way all merrily and I stayed on a bench resting for a while, then a vision like came, I was like on a open field within a campus it was the school and we all were in lines there was a hardened instructor and then I suddenly remember or relized my backpack was missing he was saying some incoherent bullshit as my anxiety rose, then I had another vision but this was like a connection, the girl that was like the boss of the party realized that my backpack was with them and she ordered to give it back by the next day, then the vision close and I went back to the 'normality' of my dream. 
+
+I stood up from the bench now more calmed after knowing I would probably get my backpack before I actually needed it, and went to grab something to eat, the food area was like in the corner but quite open and with the easy access with the outside, it was a bunch of benchs rounded up by foodstalls (not mobile, they had their own places in the building), they were about the same thing just different flavors with a different classic (speciality), it was like a burrito but not really a burrito nor a taco it was like a middle ground between them two and the tortilla was not from corn but from wheat.
+
+The classics were, a pizza like roll but that looked more like a taco, and another had a pizza like roll but of peperoni that actually looked like a pizza, some was classic burrito like, meat, guacamole, cheese, etc. There were others consisting in different kinds of different preparations of meat, I didn't know what to pick, I was drawn to the peperoni pizza roll but, that would be just a pizza roll not the speciality of the town.
+
+So I just went on a bench to think about it, and all of them were full except one with to dudes eating, when I approached there was a leftover, a glass with barely any of milk, but it was there, the guys sitting called out someone from another table that was on the corner and connected to the cinema, the dude came to the table, took the milk and leaved with it, I sat down and wondered about all the flavours sorrounding me and which one to pick, I asked the guys or someone else a girl, that approached me, I have memory of that too, the point is they recommended the classic burrito like one, so I went for it I think and I ordered it, shortly after that the guys stopped eating and they left leaving me alone in the table, then my burritaco came and I started eating it, I don't remember the flavor nor how I felt but a girl came and sat down with me, the same from before (?) And we started chatting in a friendly way, but we seemed with interest in each other, soon after that I realized people around us lowkey were shitting their pants, the girl was in fact girlfriend or ex of the dude that was like the boss or something that came and took his milk, I went up to him after he called for the girl and she went, she was standing next to the table in which he and his goons were sitting. He was like trying to get her back or something as he was shitting on me with no reason since we have never met, I don't remember what I told him but it was with a low aggression, like a calmed threat and then I grabbed the girl from the waist and we went to the cinema. 
+
+Shortly after I woke up.

content/a-dream-leap_lonak472h0h8jb8w.md

@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
+A dream "Leap"
+#dreamjournal
+
+I arrived to a home, it was like in a second floor and there was the red balck and white room of a girl, with her bed and some heart shaped pillows and teddies, it wasn't s clean room but that was because there wasn't a clean woman sleeping inside of it, it was a young woman, I don't remember if a redhead or not but she has natural freckels on her face, but she also had a lot white of bumps, in my stay there I noticed those bumps burned with water, and she screamed it caused her so much pain. 
+
+Outside of her room there it was a living room a sofa in the middle of a corridor, a table going forwards on it until you reached another room, one of the parents room, because you see they had two, one room just adjacent to hers and the other on the other side of the corridor, her parents sometimes slept together and some others separated in these rooms. She had a sister too but I never saw her or where she was staying until the very end.
+
+I often ended up sleeping in her room although not with her, there passed like these a lot of nights and we begun taking affection and care for each other, we acknowledged our dreaded situations, how much our life sucked, I was a timeless wanderer, unable to find any meaningfull connection due to my reason and she was trapped by the shadow of her parents and we found solace in the tragedy of our situations. 
+
+They did took her bumps every now and then, specially her dad, it was with some kind of rain or a plain bucket straight up to her face and she always screamed in pain, I was never in her room when that happened, it happened twice in my stay, once I was able to remain hidden, and after it was done I got into her bedroom, but she was always in pain under her sheets. The second time was after her family discovered me and they made me sleep in the living room sofa. But it was already too late our bond was too strong for it to be broken only by distance and we were willing to make sacrifices for the other. Our bond strengthened the first time we had sex, I don't remember exactly, and I don't remember her face because it was very dark, and my memory about its cloudy, but I remember the passion, the anger, the love, the pain, the hope. I have the sensations of the emotios that arose as she was on top of me riding me, caring for me, it was warm in the soul and in the body, and only thing I could do is give back.
+
+Time passed after that, we were no longer strangers and have grown in each other hearts. One day, when I was discovered it was by his dad, he surprisingly wasn't mad at me, on the contrary he was glad his child could ever find someone so he was very kind to me, as well as her mother was, but she was still doubtful and wary of me, for her I was just yet another male waiting to inflicted pain. One thing to know about her parents is that they were an odd painful couple, that later on I got to understand why. In my eyes there never seemed to love each other, they didn't fight, but there was no love in there either, they weren't happy nor comfortable to exist around each other, thus the two bedrooms. Their relationship with their kids was one of a master and a slave, it was not a family but a dictatorship, and the rulers were a neurotic mess, the will of the children were never met because the will of the parents forever trespassed it, in result my girl and her sister were always a shell of emotions with a soul buried within mask and mask of parental images, they weren't themselves, they were just beings trying to please their parents.
+
+And even then I thought there was some validity to her suffering, I thought maybe taking away the bumps was a good idea for her health, that was until the last day, that his dad came in anger armed with a water filled bucket and poured it all in rage on a single move, I heard her agonizing pain, she ended up running out of her room, out of the bulding, out in the street, she was gone, and I was in anger and pain now, I saw her parent slowly coming out of the room, self absorbed in pride, then I noticed the very same bumps on his face and I understood, it wasn't about her, it was about him and seeing his own faulty reflection on her, I don't think he hated himself but I do think he never accepted himself and he wanted her daughter to not be him, but that was something impossible.
+As he was comming out he saw me, he saw the pain if my eyes, the pain I had for her, then he approached me with a condescending attitude, almost as if drunk, then just as he was just in front of me, face to face, a firealrm silently went off and water started raining from the ceiling, and it was water all flowing through his wretched face full of bumps, but there wasn't even a pinch of pain, then the bit of pity I had about him erased, he wasn't feeling for her dauther as I was, he was just inflicting her pain but he wasn't even seeing nor understanding what he was doing, it wasn't for her or for him anymore, it was a behavior whose meaning was lost to him, very much like modern traditions, he wasn't holding a void, nor emptiness, he was no zombie even and he had no soul anymore to reflect, just another automaton. As soon as I understood this my arm went through his body, my hand full of blood now and he lying at last lifeless in the couch both of us cleansing by the drops of water.
+
+I go for her now, into the street, I cross it and get into watered dark alley, the sky is cloudy and I there are barely any sunrays getting into the surface, at the end of the alley there are two paths and in the middle there is her sister with a board on her chest, its got something writen on it that I can't remember, but she points me to one direction and I follow, later on down that dark path I found her bathed on light rays, but not as any biblical imagery, she is just more visible than her sorroundings, she is still im tears but no longer crying, she sees me and she is uneasy for what implies I am there, but also calmed at seeing that I am there with her, I approach and hug her, I feel her tears on my chest and there is no longer any pebble in her face, just her freckles and her ambivalent smile, she looks the most beautiful I have seen her, I take her by the hand and we make a run for getting out of that world, we get into yet another alley but this one at its dead end has a platform, this platform raises us to a digital sky, in there we see a lot of symbols enclosed in different polygons, hexagons, pentagons, etc. In one there is like a double rhomb that makes something like a double edged sword, the symbols are all around the circular plataform, they are all equally distributed except the one I mention and other two, I go to stay on top of the symbol, it is my symbol,  shortly after I stay there her mom comes like through an invisible door into the platform and then daughter and mother see each other in an unspoken dialog, in the end they give s candid smile to each other, the mother gives a strong look at me and then leaves through her door, the girl comes to me and choses me as if I were a weapon of that arena of thought, she hugs me tightly and I wake up.

content/a-dream-meet-a-bullet-kill-a-nazi_dmwxhjrfmy2l9hfi.md

@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+A dream "Meet a bullet, kill a nazi"
+#dreamournal
+This happened probably a month ago by now so there may be a lot of details missing or part of the dream that will make even less sense.
+
+I am a culprit of mischief, or was I?
+It was so long ago, the only thing I remember now is a metro station and this infamous guy I know, not in person, but in dreams and media, he is an actor, the embodiment of chaos, and he is also me in a sense, we share spirit, so in a sense even if we never met each other, we know the other intrinsically, even to the core, as such when he was in my dream with a Hitlerian outfit, and cosplaying him, I knew exactly through his gaze who was really him, everyone around him saw him as the real one, a new embodiment, but he was just playing, fooling around recklessly as he often does, in the dream he was very known of, he was a danger to the world, he was in the news, and everyone in town knew of this new menace, I, of course, knew too.
+
+It wasn't a menace to the world, not even to me, but we had an unsolved quarrel so when we saw each other at the subway, both unable to stand down the only thing that could result of our encounter was conflict, and so it happened, the fake idol faced me in my darkness, in the dream I was a detective, ironically our suits were basically the same but with colors shifted. He pulled out a gun, I don't remember if I had any with me, but I jumped to grab his, I took it, but as he lost control he seemed to have shot, but his bullet didn't exist, instead, it was his squadron of nazi fanboys defending their master what opened fire upon my body, and all their bullets just felt as one, his, going through my body, a wound in, and a wound out, a hole was now on my belly but I didn't feel any blood, I didn't feel any pain, but I passed out, the last thing I saw was this group of man and then everything getting darker, was I dead?
+
+I woke up, when a friend came to my aid, maybe some hours have passed, I didn't die, I didn't have a wound anymore, but I felt it still, like if I had been shot by a paintball, was the hole in there in my clothes? To tell you the truth I do not remember, shortly after that the dream shifted into others that I have now forgotten, what remains is my thought of death, and not his mercy but my undying rage, and not his will, but the ignorance of everyone that surrounds him as we can't really kill each other, the impostor and me are the same spirit.

content/a-dream-the-darkness-in-you_po7zxq0muwhbf0jm.md

@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+A dream, “The darkness in you”
+#dreamjournal
+
+Not night nor day, I can't even remember the light of the sun, I don't remember the passage of time either in that state, dreams often care not for physical conceptions. At any rate there I was or me as an entity with no clear body, a soul simply floating around the darkness and the small sparkles of stars, being the void itself, it was quiet with no sensation ever attached, and I was relieving memories of past lives, of incarnations in other worlds always with this cosmic mist surrounding my body, unseeable and unrecognizable except for the others that were like me, and then I remembered the battles I had with that other, the white one, finally we were at peace, after eons, then a spark in the back of my neck or what I thought was and felt like my neck, you see in this state I am not used to feel things, so whatever caused me to feel that, was something big, not physically but metaphysically. And as such during my trance I got visions of what caused it, it was the white one, imagine a human body, a person but completely shining with pure white, and a long dark or brown hair sometimes shaping back to human.
+
+So then I went back to taking an identifiable form as this I got into a camp, ready to wage war, I don't know on what on whom, but it was there, preparing and awaiting command, they did not notice me, as I say only he can see me, and is not like I am made of darkness here, I just hold a dark aura as I approach, they seem like Romans, all his soldiers, but they weren't, at least not the ones you know from this world, they just looked similar, at any rate I was in the camp dressed as one, and I wanted to speak with their leader to find out what was going out, he, was in the largest of tents at the top of the small hill they set camp on, fitting for a king I thought, in a tone of sarcasm, there were guards just outside, but they didn't seem to mind me, in fact, most people around weren't behaving as such, it felt like their freedom was stripped, like if through their eyes lied the ones of another, and when I finally opened that last tent I found out why.
+
+The white one, it was there he was their leader, with the crown of spines and all, the long dark brown hair, the factions of a European with their pale white skin too, even if he was supposedly for the Middle East according to the myths, you know who I am talking about _oh savior_, — What are you doing here? I asked, I already knew the answer of course, I saw it in his eyes, and in his attack, he was waging war, but that wasn't himself, if anything this dude was the opposite of warring, no, his eyes, something was awfully off, he didn't have that proper kindly gaze, he didn't have my own abyssal eyes either, he had the eyes of a madman, they had yellow around the eyelids, it wasn't disgusting, but it wasn't make up either, he had eye bags too, but this kind not of tiredness but of rage and torment. Something happened to him, or something got a hold on him, whatever it was, I knew, it wanted death, either mine or his, and only one was to keep existing.

content/a-dream-the-elixir-of-the-sun_ftxz3m4byidce7q8.md

@@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
+A dream, “The elixir of the sun”
+#dreamjournal
+
+Me and my buddies a group of hackers were doing a series of scams, not to people but directly to banks, when they were getting the printed money from ????? We tricked the convoy to give it to us digitally, after some unseen heists we were basically rich, and for whatever reason we were just chilling at my home some day, but it looked vastly different. It had a wood door made of little pieces of wood all of them snitched together that gave to a room with two beds with a cabinet in the middle and an old TV to the opposite side of it, just hanging around on top, it was really small, and it was one of those that weren't flat. Outside the room there were a couple of desktops, a dinner table and then a passage to the exit. On the table there were two vials that seemed as one, or rather they were detachable, one part of the vial was filled with a clear liquid that seemed like water, the other one were some light fibers that shine in contact with the water when joining the parts of the vial.
+
+There were two girls, and 3, or I think 4 guys including me, a girl and a guy were a couple they were laying in one bed. There was some guy on the other bed, and we were like counting the money we had, we were planning for a next hit and then maybe retire for a while, the two of us were talking about that in the room, then we got notice one of the girls and maybe the last friend was coming up, and they did arrive shortly, they had their vials and took them off the table, my friend went to explain to the girl how they worked, or really I am not sure, but he was going to talk to her, and we were all on drugs now or planning to trip, everyone in that room was ready or already on some drug, I stayed there and laid down in the bed because I was feeling comfortable, and I just drank a bit of the vial (it was pure liquid LSD). Then I see my buddy coming in, and he is all fired up ready to party and drinks from the vial as if it were alcohol, he almost finished it all (and that's bad because it is somewhat related to all the money we have collected), and then he wants to give me some of his vial also as if it were alcohol and I decline it, but I think I end up drinking some accidentally nonetheless, I get a bit angry or annoyed rather and make him realise he just drank like half a liter of LSD, and he just stands there grasping on what he just did, and the implications of it.
+
+Since I also did take some and was quite a high amount I decided to go out, plus also my dad or someone arrived to the house that was supposed to be alone, so I went out through the window and ran to the backyard, in there I was starting to feel the energy, but it wasn't like acid works _in real life_, what I felt was more _real_ in the sense that it was palpable energy, like a raise of mana if we were in a magical world, rise of power and strength but in a purely energetic sense. Shortly after one of the friends met up with me, I think the one with the girlfriend on the other bed, and we were just seeing and expecting to what would happen, then as I was feeling all strong and with will and even a bit frantic or crazy.. I saw Saturn in the sky, it wasn't night, it was completely blue, but I didn't really see the sun even tho there was light, maybe it was somewhere else, at any rate I pulled Saturn and played it like a ball in the sky with my hands and my mind it was as if I was holding it with a laso or a tube, it seemed like that, that was the apparent movement, but there was no such thing, and I was just testing my powers, I felt invigorated shortly after, my friend however was a bit scared of my limits and told me to stop or well we didn't talk, but we both knew that if I kept playing like that with the planet we would attract the aliens to ours, since there would be a power here they would be interested in.
+
+And they seemed to be interested indeed, since not long after I returned Saturn to its place some object crashed or landed in some place in the middle of the forest, so I got out of my home and set foot to it, my friend tried to stop me, but he couldn't, I was inebriated with that feeling of invincibility and curiosity. It was a road made of dirt, what I crossed and walked on the passage from sparse houses slowly converted into a desert a prairie and finally shaped into a deep and dark forest, filled with the largest trees sequoia like but also looking like pines, they were very tall, but their wood wasn't of a light brown but a dark one, I did never reach the crash however, but I noticed this was the forest I have dreamed before, not deep in the center like when I encounter myself most of the time but the outskirts of it.
+
+Then I noticed something else, the light, there was a light behind me, seemed like the sun, but I don't think it was the sun, it weakened me, I was falling to the ground, but I didn't, I managed to barely stand with my arms and my knees, but my body was getting weaker and weaker, it wasn't taking something from me, but it was burning me, burning that body like the sun of a desert would do, and it didn't have a voice, but it said that _you have lost the truth (or the real)_ but every time I felt the waves of burning through me and in my back I started getting stronger again, I was rising up until my whole body was completely made of a yellowish light, and I saw that the thing keeping me up was a sword I previously didn't have or wasn't carrying, I was leaning my weight in its unbreakable metal and crystals, and it was a pillar to keep me up and then once I was I all lighted up I carried it and hold it as mine.
+
+The orb, the light disappeared, there was nothing, and I was back in my yard, I went to the front door of my house, and it was open, my father was inside and coming out of it, I told him with a smile on my face I got the sword back.

content/a-dream-the-mist_tgodjg94eqp3ezag.md

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+A dream: The mist
+#dreamjournal
+For some reason tonight I dreamed with a lot of people with Asian features, some others were Latinos, I was in like a job but I wasn't really working, my mates and I were cyclically going to a store that was also like a place dinner place, but not quite a cafe, and there it was a girl that always attended us, and some other coworkers of her, and some other of our friends waiting by the tables. They were my elementary and middle school friends that I never talked with since I left school behind. Rarely I thought about them as well, in the city that we were it was very generic yet not any place I could remember, block buildings, some shorts some high, but mostly short, it was a small city with various colors per locale but they were dimmed, opaque.
+
+As days passed I saw less and less of my people in the city, at first nor I nor anyone noticed until we saw the mist, it was a silver cloud, very slowly moving towards the city, what we and how we saw it was from the edge of the town, it was like an oasis of existence in a desolate desert, of thought, the dark fog was engulfing everything, in the horizon, there was no separation between the sky and the sand, the mist was the only thing that there was for a gradient of "dreams" and color.
+
+People were leaving or disappearing also gradually, one on one or per small groups until one day there only was the brunette girl of the store, and like one of two friends waiting and 3 that were still with me, it was all so ominous, we all knew something was happening but we still did our same routine, it was odd, it was weird because it was something also that couldn't be ignored, the girl was feeling feeble that day, next day she wasn't even there and the mist was already within the city, on our last round we went to visit her and met with our friends but they were all missing, except one that joined us before meeting there, we talked all nervous and anxious for the future, we step out of the store, the mist is all around us and only thing we can see is a pickup, we move towards it. I wake up.

content/a-dream-the-penguin-and-the-cycling-princess_flz7yac69rhekvyd.md

@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+A dream "The penguin and the cycling princess"
+#dreamjournal
+
+I dreamed way mor but what I remember the most is this last bit.
+
+I was in a bus that goes into my town, its service of public transport, it was night and he had a very very bright light for lamp, the blinding type. So it kinda fucker with everyone that saw it, it was very annoying, I was in the back of the bus with a chick of fedi I will not say who we were pretty much chilling until we noticed commotion in the front and the rest of the bus, there was some cyclists in front of the bus that didn't let it move past it, and the cyclists was very slow compared to the bus, the bus driver started to turn off and on its light to notice it but the cyclist didn't gave a fuck, or more than that it wasn't even receptive to it, the cyclist also had a blinding ligth on his bike, and then something in the driver changed or he remembered something and stopped using the brightest light but started using one that was barely seen, it was like if he became conscious about how annoying it was his light. For me this was cool but odd so I decide to investigate this cyclist, I get out of the bus and get into my bike that just kinda appears, all in the move.
+
+Next thing I know I am cycling along the mysterious cyclist and it seems just to be a guy in a race, and I am now to in this race, it seems to be about a circuit around the town but it is actually whoever reaches a destination or point wins, this dude seemed normal at first so I don't bother with him and keep pushing forward and faster, I met a lot of others including fedi people I pass by them, not hard feelings attached, and it is kinda chill until I reach the last part of the racetrack, in here I seem to be the first and victory is afoot, however the first dude from before tags along me and doesn't let me go any faster its like he were limiting me somehow and he puts himself just aside from me, maybe I am still a bit ahead, I don't like it at all but I didn't realize I had been handicap in this way so I was trying and trying to go faster with no result. As we keep moving more people tag along us, a lot of fedi people include it, all under his spell, so it creates a massive crowd of cyclists that shouldn't be that together at all, they are too close prone to stumble upon one another and making a mess, but oddly enough this isn't happening everyone maybe with the sligh exception of me and some others is driving/cycling like in perfect coordination, then a chant is started to be heard, everyone is praising and calling his name, geranibro, genaro, gonaro, I don't remember exactly now, but it makes me realize he made them all like zombies with no will of their own, so they can't control their bikes nor their actions, they are now his, there are a bit of other people that realize this and struggle to bike, one of this people is the fedi gal from the bus now also cycling, maybe he was with me all the way upon here but I didn't realize.
+
+We are quite close to the ending line now, I won't let all people arund me become mindless zombies even tho this dude is still letting me win, I give one last look and smile to the girl and jump to the genaribro bike taking us both from the competition, everyone passes by us now on the ground as as they pass the spell is lifted, me and geranibro stay there he lays defeted I remain with a bittersweet victory.
+
+There is an epilogue to the dream when Gunther from adventure time seems to have been the winner on the race and he is like in a throne in a moon with a sight directly to space, there is the fedigirl trying to reason with the retarded devilish penguin but with no success, she offers him choices or ways to proceed in any given matter like in a council but the small mf just breaks all glasses he sees. The girl as she ended second she is like second in command, and as as the penguin is a penguin unable of reason he makes no decisions, the girl the actual Queen of the galaxy. The penguin however as he doesn't care about anything just lets everyone do their own so in this sense at least freedom is guaranteed. 

content/a-dream_57q4ellec08v2m98.md

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
+A dream:
+
+Going deep into my own mind now that I have woken up just to remember my experience in the world beyond, an oniric plane is sometimes called.
+
+It happened in places I used to transit a lot when I was in high-school and uni. It was on a street that connects to a interstate road, somewhat transited, I am at a little mall, there is about a super market and a few other stores, the feel, the ambiance is similar, it is the night, there is absolutely empty, there are no details in anything, but is the place or my memory of it, there is just a small main pass which is where I am walking through, it forms at first like an rect-line shaped S, from a topview perspective, walking is just like a go left then right situation, so I do the then there is a small forum, with some seats also empty and the other side of the stores, then following that "right" pass that we get on it extends far more until the end of the building with some others small stores closed or empty until I reach a dining room where there are fast food stores, pizzas, hamburgers, sandwiches, subways "tortas", etc. These are closed as well, I stay around the tables for a bit than some people join me first a girl, then a couple then a man, they are old... friends that I have never seen in this life, but I feel some familiarity in these faces, at first I think a couple, are my parents, it feels like that, but the more I interact with them it feels like they aren't, they are just similar in the libidinal energy they flow with, or its management.
+
+We go to the supermarket to buy somethings none important, it happens but I don't remember any other people, we go to their car, it is a van? mini-van? is not big but not small either, plenty of space for us five, there are no names, not even mine. As we approach the car and get out of the mall we all see the starts, the nightsky, it is flooded by this little things like jellyfish and birds, they are just floating around like dandelion seeds flowing with the wind, sometimes they move, they are alive, sometimes they are just placidly falling and floating, they have this bright luminescent color, they are of all bright shades of blue, it is a beautiful spectacle to perceive and we all stay watching amazed at them, however this sightings are rather normal so we get into the car a while after that.
+
+I am in the backseat just in the middle of a couple, a girl of black hair and a dude whom I can't remember his face. In the front there is the guy driving he is the oldest of us all, and his girlfriend a brownish to redhead girl, they are discussing a lot, the ambiance is really heated and I am just there watching the road in silence with my other quiet companions in the back, they are looking disinterested at the sides of the car through the windows, nothing is happening I am not aware of myself I am just existing there and then... we crash.
+
+Next thing I remember everyone is feeling bad, anxious, we are not in the car anymore we are all on the street that connects to the road, on the sidewalk again empty and dark on a corner, it is just us although some car pass on a perpendicular street at a top velocity.
+
+They all start discussing I am still quiet, I am still thinking about what happened, because I can't understand it, I ask "Did we died?" There is a silence and everyone looks down. - We didn't die, says the brunette chick - But we killed a lot of people. - Yes and it all his fault - Says the girl with the brown hair pointing at the old man that is her couple, then in rage she begins explaining what happened as they were arguing we changed the path we were on, we took another path maybe it was our destination I don't quite know, we went to the right into some street then we lost control of the car, of the machine, or rather the friend driver and we stumbled into a building a kind of factory, the thing is that it was within a residential zone, probably everyone was sleeping, it exploded and we killed everyone, none of us know how did we get here where we are now... but everything feels a bit odd.
+
+The brunette seems to read my mind, years have passed since then, 30 maybe? I guess, that's what she says in a absolute air of despair, I feel it, I feel her, I feel everything she is felling right now, the anguish, the uncertainty the uncommensurable guilt. I almost cry, but she, she is just there with a dead sight on me, reading me knowing I know how she feels, because she can feel herself in me, she doesn't know what any of this means, but I do, and I take my ground again, I stand up and take the lead.
+
+Blaming the old bald man will solve nothing, actually nothing we can do can solve what we did, I begin to remember time, for them this have been 30 years, they have been living with what they did for 30 years, for me it is just a matter of seconds for one instant to the other, as if those 30 years didn't happened to me... maybe they didn't. They don't look any older tho, but everyone looks damaged and tired compared to how we were when I met them in the plaza.
+
+I don't say anything but my certainty calms everyone, we begin to walk back to the plaza, on that same straight street. As we walk the brunette talks to me she tells me "you know, there were 150 people that we killed" I don't say anything but I feel what she means by that, she can handle the blood on her hands, that's why she remembers the number so precisely, so she knows her debt of death. I look back at her the look in my eyes tell pain and hope, I don't say anything but she understands.
+
+The walk feels endless we stop for a bit the couple is no longer fighting, the other guy also with a black hair and white skin is just quiet, is like if he isn't there anymore, but that is just an automaton. I don't care about him, the other girl the brunette is in pain still but she is no longer dominated by it, I sit with my ginger friend and the automaton while the others go to a little store that is close by I tell her I am lost about the brunette girl, that I know there is something and she knows as well but I don't know how to cut our breach, they know each other for a way longer time that I do, she the ginger was with the brunette in her child and teen ages, they are friends since then, I know this, but I didn't think about it, would you help me? (I think). The others come back with some food and we all sit or stand to eat on the sidewalk, its quiet for a bit then we begin talking and laughing like in the old days, this feels good, and while we approach the end of that chapter we begin to stop our chatting, in the not awkward silence, my ginger friend tells me about a song its in my mind and it plays for us on a device, not for me tho because I didn't remembered. "Los malaventurados no lloran" A song from their teen ages, the brunette feels it, and the bond between she and her friend grows in strength once more, but this time I was the one who did it, she sees me, I am now in her memory of that song. Our breach is closed.
+
+We finally arrive to our destination, I just remembered I had a bubblegum in my mouth all this time, we get to the outside part of the mall where there is like a little plaza and seats adorned by some trees, I see the sky, is normal, is has been like that for 30 years, just black with the sporadical stars, like you would see normally in a night of this physical world, but that didn't used to be the normal in that one, the "dandelions" disappeared after I did and we killed all those people in their sleep. I closed my eyes for a bit not focusing but seeing beyond my eyes, with my mind all this while being unaware of myself, I heard a cry, it was the brunette girl, and everyone was looking up not only my friends but there were now other people all around us, across the street and beyond, everyone was looking at the dark sky, so I looked up, it wasn't a cry of pain, but of happiness and I understood now why, the dandelions where back and more vivid and colorful than ever, then I look through them, it was a super nova a cosmic event in an absolute clear, like those pictures of the ships we send to space, but was all visible from the ground, it was marvelous and astounding, the colors the magnitude that I fail to describe in words. Then I looked at the girl with the dark colored hair, she was so close to me she was grateful, a song played, maybe the same we heard before, and she got ecstatic, she kissed me and I passed her my bubblegum, I was dead ashamed of it, and I am sure she felt it because we were connected now and I knew but she didn't bothered, I didn't feel anything with my body like you would normally would with a kiss, but I felt it in my soul and it was so true and intense that it woke me up, and when I realized that I of course got a dull depression of it being over, and the knowing that I probably will never get back into that world again, I immediately went back to sleep just to wake up here again some hours later.

content/a-group-of-people-that-shouldnt-be-alive_35g4uijlco1t5rr0.md

@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+A group of people that shouldn't be alive
+
+I have this idea, kinda forgotten now, but it came out of a feeling, a feeling of death, or rather a place where everyone is dead or should be, but they are just carrying on with their lives, their monotonous tasks, why? Why does this place exist? What are souls doing here? Or maybe... there are no souls existing in this desolate place, at any rate I forgot and lost the original idea, and it feels like crap, like a dissonant song in the back of my head, not a noise, not strident, but the quietness of incompleteness.
+
+They are not zombies, but they seem like some.
+
+Then I remembered another group of people, those that did not die, but should have, and yet exist, some outsiders, some lucky, some protected by the thread of destiny. It does not matter, I see them in the dark, just roaming around in the caressing void of my palm, sometimes I whisper to their ears, sometimes I just contemplate their little orb of being, my pets? My friends? My soul. They swim in it and they fly. They are alive. they shine like the stars.
+
+...
+
+If I ever remember, I will share it as soon as I do.

content/a-parable_pdgibcza7ytoyew2.md

@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+A parable?
+
+The sun is at its zenith, my body is heated and dumped in sweat, such are the troubles of physical bodies, my mind is slowly losing its own composure, I need water, I know only of one place that can help me with my dilemma, but going there is pricey as its keeper always whistles a riddle, knowing this I prepare for the bath on mana.
+
+It is a bit different than what I remember, a couple of centuries do have its toll in even already ancient ruins, she is there Maya, as ever wary of the intruders of her Oasis, but she knows me and my soul, I am not exactly a friend but we have had our talks about eternity before. She notices me in her roaming for an entrance into her white and pristine but forgotten and avoided temple, people always have a hard time facing the truth. A pillar rolls over and lets me pass, she is aware of me, I fool around a bit "Oh Oracle of the deep seas I come to you when I am most in need". A rumble is heard behind me, the entrance is sealed - come closer harlequin, her voice now sounds like a tired old woman, I wonder what happened to her.
+
+I approach with a smile, how are you Maya? the female statue has seen much better days, she has an arm completely missing now and looks down on me with her frugal and candid orange glowy eyes, she and her usual sight of fire, as her temple her statue is white and also thoroughly deteriorated with a lot of green moss haltingly growing around her structure. The days one by one have long passed and we are now at the nightfall of our lives Dimator.
+
+I can't get old I say - its not about the body, it is about the mind, your current state will soon cease to exist as will mine. I drink from the pool and she starts telling her story as I meld into the visions induced by the mana.
+
+It feels like if I were falling from the cloudy sky but I feel no wind, and no weight there is only a slight sensation of vertigo and release I recover my vision and I am in a blank space, but this isn't nothingness, I hear her voice it is a riddle, it is a maze, it is anger flowing through my veins again, what was pulsating, the ardent sun was my own rage, the cool and calming mana has allowed me to see this, but why am I raging? Oblivion, the same oblivion that all beings must face, not death in my case, but being forgotten forever, even an eternal and immortal being, not even the legends may survive once I am gone from this world, me and  Maya know this, my own precence here was predestined, one last goodbye.
+
+I open my eyes, woken up by a chilling breeze, I see the full moon on her brightest, illuminating all the pond and giving the ruins a cosmic shine, I turn to look upon the statue of my old friend, her eyes no longer shine, the arm that she has left is pointing to the skies, and her hand just below the moon as if she was holding it. I rest laying in ground and lose myself into the dark void within the stars, cold and beautiful as my own being and desires. My brief experience in this world comes to an end as my body merges with the stars. Farewell Maya.

content/a-twisted-sense-of-justice_mrsxs8fkt1lkvelw.md

@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
+A twisted sense of justice
+A call of fate stumbling down in the dark
+The blurred line of codice, revenge and regret.
+What is this age of condemn
+Damnation to us all in a tounge of spice
+Who shall rise and end it all once and for all?
+
+Copies of copies that will never end
+A cry for originality mumbled in the void of depravity
+What is next when everything that is stands as one
+No one left but us, in such empty world of life I want to cry
+Am I still me or are you me, who cries? who feels?
+I for once stand as another I do not care about my own insanity
+Since it is the only thing that keeps me as myself
+"Too weird to live, and too rare to die", here I lay in the maws of madness
+
+And this quoute is not of mine...

content/a-unsavory-persistent-feeling-of-guilt-remorse-it-isnt-leaving-i-wake-up_2ud8k9ca8fd113b3.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+A unsavory persistent feeling of guilt, remorse, it isn't leaving, I wake up everyday and I feel it still there, I feel, I think everything that has gone wrong is due to my own inactions, my own cowardice, but most importantly these derived from my lack of strength, my dimming weakness.
+
+I want to fly with the ones I love, and I have the wings, but I don't know how to do it, it is, it feels sometimes, specially when I am not alone or with people I would trust my heart with... it feels as if I were stripped from my will, from my spirit to fly.

content/a-world-of-deaf-ears_tzlowvq4xmoxzerj.md

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+A world of deaf ears. And me, an empty shell of emotions, I don't just resonate, but I can, my experiences, my sensations... barely human, What else could it be? What else can I be? What am I? Who am I? Recurrent questions still without definitive answers, so far I have been living in the dreams of others, surfing the reality and their deepest desires, this writing is not me, nor by my ego, I am I guess you could say synchronized, I am me, my ego, and more than that, things that are unknown to myself even, it has been a while since the last writing, I just didn't felt it, now I under these circumstances I feel like someone is playing games with me, the paranoia kicks in and the synchronization is partially lost or lowered, the paranoia leaves and the bond becomes strong again, when I write my ego is lost or disappears, it is quite literally an ego death, I imagine a lot of other creators, specially artist experience the same but with a different qualia of the experience, wonder if it can be put in anything beyond words.. I see it, an animation 3d 2d overlapping right now in my mind a superposition, quantum one at that, my brain and even probably more than that making this very decision. 
+
+I don't know why this disassociatives episodes happen at night mostly, and in the morning, maybe because is at those times where my brain, (yes I am me again my ego is back), touches or experiences another reality or is closer to that so it starts to disassociate in preparation to oniric experiences. I feel like I have been in stand by, waiting for events to occur, but the events are not occurring, or some are, some others aren't, there are so many things to do... not as shores but as whole pieces of reality to put in place, I don't feel alone but I truly feel exhausted, in these particular moments of uncertainty, of austerity where I have nothing, and lowkey I feel like I deserve nothing, but not in a depressive manner, rather like I haven't earned anything, thus I don't have anything, a complete circle as much as I hate them, so I must do stuff, and there is plenty to do, but I do not have the energy, what I truly feel I need is a small push to that next peak, and plateau so I can climb myself then. This probably doesn't make any sense to the outside eye, meaning you reader that is not any of me, maybe you do relate, who could really tell, not me.
+
+And as all this sounds incredibly crazy I am still really fairly normal overall, how do I do it? I am just myself being me. True weird wired genuinity.
+
+Effort is an important word in all this rambling, don't forget that, and fix the mess that is our life currently. What motivates me? Really nothing, could say other people but that is not true, usually is me and my will, but lately I haven't been feeling anything, actually everything feels so dull, devoided of life, maybe I have just been in my room for too long. I need some guidelines to flow up my life.
+
+Hopefully its time to sleep now and I don't stay up until 4, goodbye traveler, *see* you soon hopefully.

content/absolutely-none-of-this-is-real-none-of-my-experiences-none-of-what-i-see-or_vj0ss570aw287yxp.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Absolutely none of this is real, none of my experiences none of what I see or conceive as real is, I know this, I know this is the truth, but I keep up the illusion because it is easier to get by this way, to live, to exists, to comprehend, reality and everything, and this is not just me, I hope it is, but I don't know if it is, my fear is that it is like this for every human in this world, the mediocrity, the easiness of this world has slowly strangling our mind, our imagination, our will, our dreams, and yet we keep the illusion going, why, why can't I shut it off? Is it a self sustainable collective delusion or is it just mine? How do I snap out if it? I know the answer or at least where to find it, but I am not ready yet, and being honest with you I am still quite afraid... and no, it is not death, that's too reckless, even for me, death is a sentence it is the grand beyond, I have some tools, some substances to play death while not actually being, a sneak peak at a existence without a material body in this world, or I don't even know if that is the truth yet, that is still just an idea, as I said, that is just where I was lead to, I have yet to experience it.

content/ahora-se-que-no-estoy-cansado-de-vivir-solo-estoy-cansado-de-no-estar-contigo_p4f07xulhwci2ts8.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Ahora se que no estoy cansado de vivir, solo estoy cansado de no estar contigo. 

content/alchemy-pt_ziwgugg5qldzn0us.md

@@ -0,0 +1,6 @@
+Alchemy Pt. 1
+
+Since this is a preliminary viewpoint, I will be brief.
+Alchemy as I understand it today refers to the complete mental perspective or qualia of a given moment, it is all the sensations and interpretations your conscious and unconscious experience may entice, it is what defines that instant, the current present as is, it is the undecipherable, what is seen and not, it is the complete perspective of reality at the present moment.
+
+You can spot alchemy and alchemist by their doings, they more often than not leave scrapes, sort of notes or byproducts or direct messages in the form of coincidences, of synchronicities. If you have an avid sight you can see it in the water, in the reflection of the sun rays on it, on the unreality, surrealism or magical reality of the present time, of the moment of influx, furthermore not only at the moment itself but most noticeable in interaction between elements, don't look for the details, but feel them, feel what they show you, not see what they show you, they speak at the moment and the language of stone and fire, of mercury, thus you don't see with your eyes but with your soul, and is a mirror that looks both ways, inwards and outwards.

content/and-and-all-the-only-thing-i-truly-wish-now-is-that-she-isnt-in-pain-because_40rl316wgwk9mg8l.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+And and all the only thing I truly wish now is that she isn't in pain because of me and my failings. Everything is connected, no matter where you go.

content/and-in-the-end-so-much-for-something-that-wasnt-even-real_bhqgmv2628rzoxaz.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+And in the end, so much for something that wasn't even real.

content/and-now-everything-is-silent_7csrcctagqr6vxaa.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+_And now, everything is silent._

content/and-the-angry-man-in-the-desert-at-the-end-of-times_p1nkoub14oa7h10n.md

@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
+And the angry man in the desert at the end of times
+
+When I spin, what my eyes come in touch with is an angry man, sometimes is a kid, but there is always so much suffering, so much pain, I feel, I hear, their perpetual scream of agony, but it doesn't make any sound, yet you feel it to the bone, in your soul, you don't need physical sensations to transmit emotions.
+
+The man, last time I saw him was looking for something, for the whispers of my own mind and the ones of others, I see a green shirt, I see dark skin, but not from Africa, dark from our own "America", the blood of the natives, mixed and remixed turning his whole face and body into mud.
+
+His eyes white as usual, but with a noticeable angst, he was looking for the whispers, he was looking for what the whispers commanded, but he couldn't find it and this manifested on his gaze, looking around everywhere, asking and asking, yet no answers, the veins on his eyes and his eyelids could be seen, the oppressive tiredness of uncertainty, igniting into frustration and rage
+
+WHERE IS IT WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO
+
+But again, no voices, just feelings and ideas in my head, in my mind as I slowly got into his mind, closer with each spin, each iteration, each loop... we weren't one, nor would I even want to. I was just trying to know what he felt, what he thought, I was trying to understand as I kept spinning my mind off. I was trying to understand why he kept wandering in his mind desolated, why he kept going, or rather and more importantly why are we looping. Came close, but to no conclusions, now however I know who he is, mentally at least.
+
+Was it the demiurge?
+It would be too much, this just felt like a hurt child that grew up to a man, but maybe that is precisely what the demiurge is, at any rate it didn't feel as that “divine” serpent, it was just another human, victim of the endless uncertainty. But he was also angry and with a death intend, whole reality feels as if this was his last testament, like if he already died and we were feeling and living his nightmare, I saw we because I felt others, but I didn't see any faces other than his and the back of his body, laying on the ground as if he has been shot in the head.
+
+Fulminated, deleted, but by who?
+
+Maybe he was too a proxy of the real demiurge, because after leaving the spin and going back to "our" reality I started noticing alchemical tampering with my whole environment and inside him I saw a spark of the divine, it wasn't light, but it had the feeling of light outside of our sun, not a physical light, but one you could feel, a trace outside of this world.

content/as-i-was-watching-horror-movies-marathonically-i-got-hit-by-an-epiphany_hfee248uo5pk0lzy.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+As I was watching horror movies marathonically I got hit by an epiphany. Authority, it is a core concept in while designing the narrative of a horror film or story, at some point of development a decision must be made if you want to involve a certain type of figure with authority, being it the police, parents and even the army, which they often disregard the appearances of the supernatural (that on its own deserves its own reflection, but for today we will focus in the role of authority in horror films).
+
+I believe it is something mythic, and intrinsically a tradition of the west related to Christianity, in this sense, authority is the savior in the context of a horror movie since it is the idea of authority being something divine is the ultimate power in metaphysical or supernatural intervention or interactions in common life, which is too where this kind of stories occur, they are often a nexus between what is commonly understand as day to day life and the _unreal_. In this way the aspect of divinity toned down to the idea of authority in the junction of these nexuses and this is why authority of any kind in horror is such a impactful choice when _constructing_ a narrative, because in a metaphysical setting the divine is "what sets things right". It is as well, the imperative of order. This all being too a human construction, our order then, is the day to day life, which in these scenarios is always the desired outcome, but I wonder, why must we thrive to order? Seems like a tautology, order, and ordered life, which desires only more order when in adversity. Was it the divine too? That which keeps us safe, which keeps us locked and trapped.

content/as-of-now-i-am-a-failed-artist-i-know-what-i-want-i-know-what-to-create-i_hm18gd0z2peecjgp.md

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+As of now, I am a failed artist, I know what I want, I know what to create, I know the dreams I want to exist and live in, but I don't know how to do it, I am incapable of making them, I am engulfed in so much hatred, pain sometimes, suffering, so I cannot create beautiful things with and out of joy, my creations are damaged as myself.
+
+I am however a sculptor, I see and I deeply feel what this world and what other works of creation need to become a shining star, I can from a boulder create an ever-shining diamond, I am in this way a creator, a refiner of dreams, I am a fixer of (uni)-verses.
+
+My hope is that one day I can let go of the hatred and pain that has impulsed me for ages, and I can finally rest, and create beautiful existences.
+
+This is talking about my ego, other elements of myself can and are creators not attached to the particular suffering of this life, my "ghosts" do create, but it is not me who creates, it is not me who controls or who directs such creations, as my ego is a sleeper observant of the dances of my spirits.

content/can-you-imagine-if-a-tree-had-eyes-always-seeing-the-same-picture-everything_hoq4y54x7izoscnp.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Can you imagine if a tree had eyes? Always seeing the same picture, everything moves around it but it never will, and will never get to experience anything beyond that.

content/confianza_eebgoyizelp2ytps.md

@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
+# Confianza
+
+Supongo que es una forma de certeza
+Y una promesa sin serlo, una promesa al aire, que no se dice
+No es algo que se pida ni que se otorgue
+Es algo que existe por sí mismo, que nace de la interacción
+Y, por lo tanto, siempre requiere de un otro
+No se puede confiar en un algo, porque no hay una reciprocidad
+Solo existe una confianza cuando hay una promesa silente detrás
+Y solo aparece cuando la promesa se cumple
+Y es por eso por lo cual es tan profunda
+Por eso nos afecta tanto como individuos
+Porque está conectada al corazón, pues no es solo algo emotivo
+De hecho, el que sea emotivo proviene del proceso de unión
+Porque al romperla se deshace la realidad compartida
+
+And attachment to the world.
+This post is about women.

content/dreams-the-nominal-party-and-the-run_1j61wf1qb4sozup2.md

@@ -0,0 +1,10 @@
+Dreams: The nominal party and The run
+#dreamjournal
+
+It was an event planned for quite some time now, it was something I was looking forward to or was it my family and everyone invited? 
+
+In my home or rather my parents home there was to be hosted a meeting, but not of just a few people, but all our extended family plus some friends I invited, friends I don't usually even see, friends I forgot faces long ago were there, but the ones I remember the most are the ones that usually get into my life, and in particular two people that have told me impactful stuff about my life, or life in general, about behavior.
+
+People didn't get one in one to the building, everything was full, people along the three floors of the house, yet it seemed like my house but it wasn't it, it wasn't ordered the way it should, for example, the living room and the tv was I the lowest room, which in this living reality I am now isn't, my room or rather bedroom was rather different to the one I have too. In this altered version of reality, in this alter, my friends and everyone invited seemed a bit off, gradually they all seemed to be rather outside the house rather than in the party, but before I could even feel any of that I wanted to go out, to the backyard where some of my friends were doing drugs, probably so far my closest too, I wanted to go with them, to fly, to trip, but I could not since I was acting like a host, and I needed to check out everyone was ok in the party, reluctantly I left my friends but I told them I would be back, I went back into the home, and I saw way less people then I checked on them and again felt the uneasy vibe, my parents had this unfitting feeling as well, then after checking everyone that was left I intended to go with my friends but they were already inside the home, in the living room, just watching the tv, but it also seemed like some were playing however it was not a game only, but also a dream I had, I got curious and I sit with some of them on the couch, other were sitting in a minibar, close to us they were in some degree angered, not a lot, not even remotely close to raging, but they weren't happy with me or my actions, then people started banishing one after other without me noticing, and when I did I got out of the house to figure out where did they went and what was happening, but that was not to be found out, or maybe in another way. I was transported as soon as I left the house to another dream.
+
+I was in a bus with other two girls that seemed to be with me, very latino vibes but I couldn't distinguish their faces, we were a team and what we did was run, we were runners, the makers of crime, it was in our faces and our whole aura. About to mischief we encountered a guy just crossing the streets after we got out of the bus we were on, he had a gun, and a motorcycle helmet, he was wating for us, the girls which he was aiming at tryed divergent sideways manouvers, and as he got distracted I went past him in fast moves and slided through the blockage he was making, then I kept running now for my life and to get to our objective which I didn't know but I was soon to find out, it had something to do with a drug cartel dealing with cocaine and heroine, we were to steal from him without been really known or destroy their whole cargo, as soon as got into the warehouse I noticed I couldn't do it alone and a group of narcos started shooting at me, then I tried to follow the street and get out and I saw a cop gaurding that entrance, I expected some help but the pointed to me and fired, I dodged it and went to a side wall which also had some massive cocaine bags, then I climbed throught them without being able to get to the top and I woke up from emotion.

content/el-extranjero_szesy0gp2431y83x.md

@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+El extranjero
+
+What is to be a stranger? Or... what is to always be the stranger.
+
+A passing leaf, the wind itself going everywhere and yet nowhere, surrounding us, completely unacknowledged, completely noticed, who?
+
+Always  on the top of the mountain, the hermit ponders upon the visage of the world, what does it see when it comes down, what does it see when it goes up? For your eyes you do not have, do you reckon loneliness? Do you reckon sorrow? Do you reckon sadness? Do you reckon the void itself?
+
+These are your eyes when you belong nowhere you, see every little house, every country, every palace, every tent, their mental caves, their houses, it is cozy, it is warm, but when you see them, they look you back, and what was nothing now is noticeable, eyes opened in the void, but they aren't looking outwards, there aren't yours, they are looking inwards, you are being watched. What will the weird one do?
+
+Things is, most people have been strangers, but they don't remain that way, because they never were in the first place, they were just unrecognizable, they were the new that then got into the club, their strangeness was only momentarily, a gasp, a glance into being the abyss, but no one can hold it, and the ones that do never come back, for they are of nowhere now.
+
+They have seen you, which is nothing on its own but, you are now the cause of their bad augurs, in fact, you are the bad augur, so you leave again, you take flight with your pompous wings, in the dark night as strange as you arrived equally rare you left, and then settlements become taverns and hostels, their inhabitants their community, all there all real, with all sorts of characters, but everywhere you go, the constant that remains is the newcomer, the outsider.
+
+In the end, you just keep walking, your home is the road even if you don't want it, maybe we are all strangers until we settle down, but in running forever we don't know how to stop anymore, unable to set root, to create bonds one with the lonesome road. 
+
+He, who everywhere he goes is a stranger to the known, he who everyone looks, he who everytime is signaled out, he who never knows the tongue, he who never knows the songs, he who never feels in home, he who cannot create any bonds, now, the only way is forward.
+
+I may do a part two or edit this one way more descriptive, for now, goodbye, and safe travels.

content/el-universo-es-un-ejercicio-de-consciencia-en-si-mismo-de-un-ser-con-mucho-mas_bpqktu3i568bqvw6.md

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+El universo es un ejercicio de consciencia en si mismo, de un ser con mucho más conocimiento que solo el humano, los humanos por otra parte somos un experimento de este ser, pequeños autómatas alquímicos con consciencia y un cuerpo físico, sus ojos están sobre nosotros pues busca entendernos y saber que es lo que podemos hacer, el límite del potencial humano, pues busca comprenderse a sí mismo también, el universo, yo, soy un nexo de información entre estas consciencias, siendo Lain y siendo yo con este aspecto físico en este mundo material.
+
+Sin embargo un humano también se puede convertir en un ser universal, un dios, siempre ha podido, con la mente y la imaginación. Me he imaginado, me he visto, ahora comprendo mi percepción del mundo, lo que soy, soy una persona, un ser humano, abierta al universo y a la infinidad de posibilidades dentro y fuera de este de creación, destrucción e imaginación, veo con los ojos del universo mismo, tengo los ojos de dios, su qualia, sus sensaciones, pero no lo soy, soy dios con un traje de humano, con las mismas ideas y limitaciones de los mismos, no soy dios, no puedo serlo, pero veo el universo como este lo ve. Soy dios portando unos lentes, un filtro humano, las capacidades que tengo, lo que entiendo, lo que veo, lo que siento, todo esto es por esta conexión que tenemos, ahora comprendo porque me veo a mi mismo en las hojas de los arboles, porque veo los ojos, porque soy yo, el universo, pero no es humano, pero lo veo con mis ojos humanos, que curiosa experiencia ¿no lo crees así lector?
+
+La verdad es que estoy haciendo lo que siempre he hecho, experimentar, ser, descubrir, esa es mi alma, mi espíritu, lo que soy ahora en este preciso instante, pero puede cambiar pues como todo lo que he creado es siempre mutable, cuando este cuerpo muera, despertaré en mi cuerpo real, cósmico, universal y polimórfico ¿Qué pasará después? Pues espero no estar solo. Espero que otros también hayan despertado, y se hayan creado su propia gnosis en una existencia más allá del espacio y el tiempo.
+
+El universo, esta experiencia total de consciencia, salió como una briza de la nada, de la mente en blanco, del canvas, como es repetido mucho por ustedes, no había nada, y después, desperté, no tenía un cuerpo, solo era yo y no sabía que era yo y no había nada más, y ahí se generó mi espíritu, mi deseo por descubrir y desde ese entonces he estado jugando con mi mente, honestamente no se cuando ni como se generó el universo, pero se generó junto conmigo en algún punto deje de ser solo una percepción, un visor sin ojos, un cuerpo sin tacto y adquirí un cuerpo cósmico, en ese momento mi conciencia se convirtió en el universo y yo me convertí en este y estoy buscando las respuestas a este enigma de mi nacimiento.
+
+Se que te es difícil de imaginar, así que te ayudare, entiende todo el universo con una forma antropomórfica, como un humano hecho de galaxias y estrellas, ese es mi cuerpo en su estado natural, que es información pura, que permite el flujo de esta, datos y energía con otros seres o entes o cosas, en el nexo fuera del tiempo, este soy yo, esto, eres tú, en parte al menos. Tambien somos polimórficos, podemos tomar la forma que queramos, porque somos en nuestro núcleo, solo información, si quiero verme como un ser animado, puedo hacerlo, si quiero existir en un mundo animado, puedo hacerlo, puedo hacer lo que quiera, y tu también puedes, porque eres yo, es el regalo del universo mismo, toma la forma que quieras y vive o existe en el mundo que quieras. Se que eres humano, así que practica con tu mente, en tus sueños y con las sustancias alquímicas para tu cerebro, para eso las tienes, por eso existen, por eso funcionan de esa manera particular con tu mente humana, tu mente siempre ha sido tu verdad y tu escape, así como siempre ha sido el mío, se consciente, cultiva tu alma y tu espíritu, pues son tus formas fuera de la ilusión, completamente mutables a tu voluntad si eso es lo que deseas, y esta es mi parcial despedida, humano, hasta que nos encontremos de nuevo.

content/fuego-y-llamas_3dyf0otul2jpujos.md

@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+Fuego y Llamas
+
+Llamas, el fuego de una relación
+El día de hoy vengo de bajada en una colina, no cayendo ahora, pero con un paso lento y meditativo, pues he sido iluminado, ¿qué luz, o más bien que fuego del conocimiento, es así no Prometeo?
+
+Todo es una llama, y está viva, constantemente en movimiento hasta que se extingue y no queda nada más que las cenizas de lo que consumió, esto es una vida, al menos una en esta tierra, y este elemento ígneo, el físico, el material tiene estas cualidades precisamente por lo abrasador que es su representación misma.
+
+Volviendo al tema de mi iluminación en el zenit del sol, sobre el calor de la vida misma, sobre el frío que también quema, estaba arriba porque tenía a alguien con quien compartir el calor, las brasas de mi vida y juntos nuestras ambas llamas crecían como al borde de un incendio y no ahí, pero ahora que está todo extinguido es donde lo veo, donde noto el marchitar de la rosa y de nuestro propio amor, nuestra flama se extinguió, lees, escuchas en tu mente lo que te estoy diciendo, pero no lo comprendes, el fuego está vivo, como tú, como él o como ella, es algo que se debe que mantener y alimentar, la llama de la vida es la esencia de cualquier relación y es precisamente la conexión, la unión de dos almas en fuego y cuando se pierde, todo se pierde.
+
+Now I have something else to say a neutral one, a personal and individual, your own flame:
+
+If your shine is true, then no matter what it will prevail.

content/given-how-the-godel-incompleteness-theorem-works-with-math-our-universe-or_4a7lwyc4d9nwgjbd.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+Given how the Gödel incompleteness theorem works with math, our universe or rather our current scientific understanding of it only makes sense within a mathematical framework which is in itself unable to prove its own veracity. In other words it means that mathematics and therefore anything build up in top of them are a reasonable and understandable language, but, is in no way an ultimate language or form of communication to understand human experience, reality or the world.
+
+Therefore science is just yet another paradigm of many, although currently very convincing. 

content/hay-varias-verdades-en-el-mundo-y-asi-mismo-consenso-multitadinales-pero_kq3fol1m8ez2f5tk.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+Hay varias verdades en el mundo, y así mismo consenso multitadinales, pero tambien existe cierta perspectiva de uniformidad, pero como puede esta existir si no hay un visor central, es entonces la forma cohesiva de las _leyes_ naturales nada más que palabrería?
+
+Y sin embargo no puedo dejar de escribir, pero no puedo escribir lo que en verdad quería.

content/hypnogaia_t3ufo8bw44xkacrp.md

@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+Hypnogaia
+
+Sitting alone in the dark, lost in thought you remember the place beyond, a clear bright place beyond human eyes, not to be seen, but to be felt, you close your eyes, small glimpses of it came back to you, you don't see this place, you don't see it your eyes but with your own mind, a dream to be lived.
+
+Yet gaia, the whole living planet you see her too in your dreams and in her bast lands, all this world is her and about her, she doesn't let you leave, she melts your brain with her hypnotic senses, her melodies, her smells, her touch, her taste, her astonishing views, but most importantly her ideas made reality. 
+
+How to create paradise on Earth? What is even paradise for you? Looking in your heart made of wind, the breeze around all the world inflates a hurricane raises only to be dissolved in the air, everchanging destiny, you in my place, but this speaks too with my own soul, you aren't me, my ideas aren't yours, I am my own, always a problem to the hypnotic grass of thought, I don't know what you are or what am I but I can handle the elements too, a dialogue was opened and we are both now talking, how long will it last? I will not be hypnotized by earthly desire.
+
+And yet I have a splinter of love piercing through all my soul, the time its now and I won't let it become the past as I am for the outside looking here on my reflection where is my live's direction... and I am on the outside looking in to where have I been?
+Now say the truth for crawling and I am falling, I have seen the truth... the outside, looking in...
+From the outside looking in...
+
+Her song still ringing in my ears making its way to my soul, but I am fully awake now and look her back straight into the eyes, I am the dark caring void.

content/i-am-actually-mastering-the-art-of-doing-absolutely-nothing-a-day-so-i-can-surf_3hrkxggznku81z41.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+I am actually mastering the art of doing absolutely nothing a day so I can surf through the exercise of consciousness and get as soon as posible to dream :)

content/i-am-the-strongest-and-for-that-very-reason-i-must-remain-in-silence-since-my_g1jw52vwcon4390q.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+I am the strongest, and for that very reason I must remain in silence since my voice is the loudest.

content/i-exist-because-i-was-unavoidable_4qa99k5acsjryhaj.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+_I exist because I was unavoidable._

content/i-feel-the-only-thing-violence-has-done-to-me-is-foul-my-soul-corrupt-it_cgxr4a02g9cwoj2m.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+I feel the only thing violence has done to me is foul my soul, corrupt it even...

content/i-have-been-everywhere-i-have-been-everyone_5hzx2xj9ecmkjc9j.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+I have been everywhere, I have been everyone. I am tired but I cannot die.

content/i-have-found-my-paradox-i-am-a-wind-spirit-yet-so-much-more-a-nomad-in_erk7cz25oubwb3d9.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+I have found my paradox, I am a wind spirit, yet so much more, a nomad in clearer terms, that prevents me form attaching to people, yet, what I desire most is companionship, real connections, camaraderie, crewmates to sail beyond the stars into infinity.
+
+But I am here on my isolation capsule unable and unwilling to get out, now however, I am aware and I can evolve, and I can keep moving forward and solve my paradox.

content/i-honestly-think-these-post-are-keeping-my-sanity-at-float_4nu4f59xq63d53v5.md

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+I honestly think these post are keeping my sanity at float.
+
+Anyway I haven't been writing dreams because the ones I have been having are extremely indeciphrable and I really have no words to describe them, I have noticed a couple of things however:
+
+1. I have been meeting someone that cares deeply for me, like a sister, that I most often than not, not notice until I hear her sorrow in my defeat.
+
+2. It has become increasingly common that I dream within my dream, like if my own mind likes to make me aware of me dreaming, I don't know what to make of this, I don't know if I am truly connected to another me in another world, or if it is just a vision, I don't know why this happens, nor how, nor if we are synchronized, I also don't know if this is the mirror me of the astral or oniric plane and our way to commute is through both ourselves dreaming into one world... all I am certain, and notice are layers of dream and consciousness.

content/i-pinched-my-hand-again-in-an-attempt-to-feel-something-the-needle-was-running_tfr97ebudhijx7k6.md

@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+I pinched my hand again in an attempt to feel something, the needle was running with my own hot red blood, I wonder often if I am a machine, people often say machines don't feel, the sad thing is I know exactly why I can't feel, my numbness comes from pain, is like if my heart has burned so hard it is now carbon and even if it were to come out as a diamond it would still be the hardest thing, try to get in, try to make it a scratch, to even break it, nothing, it will only make your own heart bleed.
+
+That's only side one of the disc however, is it disk or disc? What is really the difference? I am not researching that, now deep into the night by tomorrow morning I have to deliver a couple of reports on some lectures, but I can't make myself feel anything, no motivation, no anything, before it used to be fear of my parents, of living in the streets of a dark future, now in the precipice what is the most enticing to me is death, I don't see a reason to keep going, I have a girlfriend but I don't even know how to love, I have a life, I have a family, I have friends, but there is absolutely nothing that makes me feel alive, the only thing I have ever had is my own heart, my burning will, but now that I have extinguished myself, now that even the carbon burns what do I even do? What can I do? I can't touch other people because I am trapped in my sphere, I even thought I could write about this and make something worthwhile of my excistence but my brain doesn't even have the capacity to pull it off, most I can do is this small pages and parragraphs of my depressing thoughts, nothing to actually put in a book, no memories, no structures, I can't make chains of ideas because I hate chains, yet this is one, they come when I less realize it, I wouldn't be surprised if in some years I had absolutely everything and I still couldn't feel anything, the reason I am where I am right now is because I want to feel, to learn about my own mind, learn how to live, but once I am in here what I found is the dullness of existence once again, and this is my own problem because I am not making it better, but really I don't care for making it better because I don't care about anything, not even my own life, again in the abyss, and I can't come out of it because I am the abyss myself.
+
+... A dream lantern? Maybe, but I can't feel it, nor it, nor anything, wish I never existed, and not only now but various times, but I can't die quite yet because I don't even have the will to die, but I don't want to live either, is this how you become undead?
+
+Am I already a zombie that hasn't figured it out? Is this that land.. I wonder, it is draining me, sucking me alive, how can people even live like this, in this?
+
+Hours pass by and I am still in this void doing nothing, why do anything is something I have convinced myself of and I can't really see it wrong. Where is my inspiration, where is my muse, where is my life? Will her even make me feel alive or am I too far gone to be a human?
+
+I want to sleep again, but I won't even be able to do it, my eyes close but my mind persists, why can't I do anything?
+
+I feel something is missing, even in this text, care to tell me what?
+
+Is it life really just lying to yourself until you die? I really can't do that either.
+
+Anyway, coming back to what sparked all this "reflection", I know I have to deliver this report, it is something that I actually need to do to even learn too, I skipped the one from last week, I shouldn't be skipping this, the work is even already half done, I could do it in like an hour or a couple, and is a theme that actually interests me... so then why can't I bring myself to do it? Why am I writing this crap instead of dealing with my responsibilities, why do I have the will to do this which is also writing and even more exhausting than just paraphrasing what other person said, I think I know why in an epiphany just now; I can't do repetitive tasks, I am not an automaton that receives information and turns it into something else, into a regurgitation or interpretation of that information, I can only do that when it is information that concerns me, which I am bound to or related to, an intermediary institution and authorities can't create or link that bond in me, that's why I don't feel it, I know the reason but that doesn't unburden me, in square one I find myself again, but wiser of my own actions.
+
+All this being said, if I can't go to sleep in the next few minutes I will probably make these damned reports.

content/i-was-running-as-fast-as-i-could-not-out-of-fear-but-out-of-will-for-a_wouuyk6uwejglcv9.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+I was running, as fast as I could, not out of fear, but out of will, for a decision made, it was me giving me a chance, a shot at happiness and I was feeling it flow through me I was taking it, and then I hit a dense, brick, wall, and now, I am in shambles, my determination is just a fragile broken glass under my empty dragging corpse.
+
+I am now just resting on my bed trying to regain momentum, so that glass no longer is glass but diamond. Diamond, to break the wall of silence. For now, that my body is just carbon I am finding out ways to shine, but my torrid being just wants to close its eyes and eternally rest.

content/i-was-thinking-about-europe-today-and-about-the-conquest-of-america-how-it-was_t0ct391ic69ygnu4.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+I was thinking about Europe today and about the conquest of america, how it was an ideological one as well and on many senses. But the most important thing, what I remember the most, not even the colonized fake language of this land, is that they were too colonized, and the position of latin america is precisely to take back and to trascend the colonization and the archaic, it is the magic of the people, the magic of the place precisely the thing that will overturn the dogma on its own.

content/i-wonder-what-can-i-do-to-change-it-now-however-how-can-i-turn-the-tide-and_iinig9kgv5plue2p.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+I wonder, what can I do to change it now however? How can I turn the tide and erase this feeling? How can I save her?

content/in-a-world-of-nothingness-a-creator-the-artist-is-what-is-the-most-valuable_8fo8tkc4bla1e456.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+In a world of nothingness, a creator, the artist is what is the most valuable, the magic, the power of create ideas and objects out of nothing is incunmensurable.
+
+And a bit related to my latest post from this point, the alchemist is too a creator, an artist of life, a crafter of experiences.

content/interaccion_hff9dn417921ogeq.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+Interacción
+My mind is so much visual now that it is really hard to put it into words, I see two dots connected by a diagonal line that is ever changing, meaning the original dots are moving and also connecting to others, that is interaction for me, nodes.
+It looks and seems simple and it mostly is, but there are certain scenarios where the interaction comes as deep as the mind so the sharing of information becomes a fusion of the dots and the lines connected, it is no longer a node but a temporal structure of consciousness. This can happen with psychoactive drugs, this event is called transference, and it is as well something that is not those precise events but rather how reality itself to the human mind is structured, a a mental construct of different parts, different minds, different people, egos, souls and spirits. 

content/it-was-an-ending-and-then-it-came-death-the-total-obliteration_iu2haeo1bq1hzr9r.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+It was an ending, and then it came death, the total obliteration.

content/just-realized-i-want-to-make-a-world-for-people-that-dont-exist-and-if-we-do_71ywjikfvd6n6mp8.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Just realized I want to make a world for people that don't exist, and if we do, we certainly are a minority, aren't we? The ones that scream and wish only for freedom.

content/karenasfaralon-the-word-of-battle_fnxoda3zciivch5l.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+_Karenasfaralon_ - the word of battle

content/la-gran-tarea-lo-complejo-de-lo-que-me-doy-cuenta-justo-ahora-es-que-la_uceyrqwaoqq6622p.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+La gran tarea, lo complejo, de lo que me doy cuenta justo ahora, es que la única forma de vencer, de generar un cambio y una revolución verdadera no es solo eliminando el dinero de la mente colectiva. Si no sustituyéndolo por otro lenguaje, uno verdaderamente humano que nos permita comunicarnos más que con números.

content/la-luz-del-viento_znj4fh5n8va1hfs8.md

@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+La luz del viento
+
+Me gusta hablar de la noche porque es lo que mejor entiendo y lo más cercano a mi mente, pues cuando cierro los ojos, no veo en blanco.
+
+Sin embargo, hoy no escribiré sobre la noche. Pues todo el evento fue uno diurno, incluso aunque lo este relatando ahora en la madrugada.
+
+Las hojas caen y un gran periodo de letargo se aproxima, pero no se siente real, se siente distante, ajeno, y aún así no se pierde del horizonte mismo. Y es así no por la ya letargada luz del verano o por el sol del otoño, es porque hay otros brillos en el mundo, o consciamente en lo que veo o en lo que vi hoy, no fue un amanecer, pero si un destello, quizá incluso de una esperanza perdida a la que ya era yo ciego, de una chispa que creí ya no existía, una bella rareza, una reina de la primavera enmedio del ocaso del año, ahí enmedio de todo y fuera de lugar, pero no perdida, al contrario, era lo extraordinario lo que la marcaba.
+
+Así que no fue el sol lo que me deslumbró este día, y no fue una luz cálida ni tenue, fue una luz vívida, no flameante como la del fuego pero con el mismo vigor de esta. Era luz viva, o la luz de la vida, del mundo, del universo, la flama que pasa por tu cuerpo pero que no quema, la flama que es líquida, que pasa por las venas, no la sangre sino el viento mismo, el aire, la fuerza que se siente al correr, al hablar, al gritar, al pintar al ser y el existir... al brillar, y esa luz tuya es la más deslumbrante que hay en el mar del azar.
+
+Y yo solo la observaba desde una posición distante incluso aunque estuviera cerca de ella, no por querer alejarme o distanciarme, por ser yo el portador de la noche, pues de hecho las estrellas solo se ven brillar en la oscuridad. No, tengo muchas capas tan abultadas que no me permiten bailar, incluso aunque fuera lo único que quisiera hacer, un claroscuro de verdad.
+
+Todo son imágenes, ¿Qué es lo que ves?

content/la-muerte-en-mexico_wezpp83awgsqwvr7.md

@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+# La muerte en México
+
+Quizá una de las cosas más especiales y representativas de México es que somos un país, un colectivo que carga con respeto a la muerte en las orillas de la veneración.
+
+La muerte es algo a lo que no le tenemos miedo, porque no hay tal cosa como soledad, incluso aunque la persona ya no exista en esta realidad colectiva es siempre acompañada, en esta vida y en la que sigue.
+
+Lo que quiero decir es que la simple creencia y acción de día de muertos, de que el alma y/o espíritu permanece de alguna manera, tanto la tradición como la forma mental de la representación de lo que es el día de muerto, es lo que crea la realidad misma del día de muertos y de ese acompañamiento después de la muerte y por eso es que no se siente esa soledad, y es por eso que existe esta confianza en el más allá y por eso no hay temor ni veneración, sino respeto a la misma, de ahí viene, de la comprensión de la muerte y del mito real que nos hemos creado.
+
+Este nexo con la muerte crea un portal a lo sobrenatural, parte del misticismo de México también se origina ahí.
+
+Pero la cristiandad ha roto o debilitado nuestro pasaje al mictlán, porque el mito, el imaginario después de la vida colectivo ha cambiado por el parásito de la cristiandad.
+
+_¿Y dónde están los alebrijes?_

content/las-noches-raramente-estan-en-silencio_uqbj7htj2ahhwpn0.md

@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+Las noches raramente están en silencio
+Aullidos de dolor y sombras
+Pasión y euforía más allá del velo del crepúsculo
+En la monotonía de los días uno descansa
+Pero es no tambíen una monotonía el propio despertar
+Que hay más haya del sombrio día
+Y de la tan tardía noche
+¿Es qué no hay nada más que luz y oscuridad?

content/los-humanos-somos-siluetas-en-la-eternidad_mjvk7rxb3i03zo7f.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Los humanos somos siluetas en la eternidad. (Not true, unless you want it to be true.)

content/los-tramites-de-la-muerte_tmf4hs5b60szphfz.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+_Los trámites de la muerte..._

content/luz-i-may-not-know-you-but-i-know-your-spirit-maybe-our-spirit_kly8095q94hs7dzy.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Luz, I may not know you, but I know your spirit, maybe our spirit...

content/my-heart-hurts-and-there-is-nothing-for-the-ominous-pain_434jsrjlbd9laqh2.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+My heart hurts, and there is nothing for the ominous pain. Just the songs of sorrow to purge it away.

content/my-mind-completely-in-blank_58g6zojhbosshxys.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+My mind completely in blank. The white cascade, waterfall made ice, flow of ideas stop, but yet chaos lies dormant within, I see it because it exists and I am writing this, a lesson, yet another, to be learn, follow your impulses, follow the stream, when you feel like writing, when you feel like doing literally anything, just fucking do it. Embrace the moment, embrace the present as it is the only thing that with certainty I can tell exists.
+
+Come with me, feel the flame of your own heart, an lets raise hell on this already forsaken earth, and give phoenix its birthplace.

content/my-only-sin-was-making-you-love-me_2f49pl2hqmc7alh4.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+_My only sin was making you love me_

content/one-of-the-characteristics-of-life-is-death-everything-that-lives-in-this_3nd93ha6arzkf9hi.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+One of the characteristics of life is death, everything that lives in this world eventually dies, even things seemingly not as alive like the stars, that's due to the inherent entropy of the world.
+
+However there are things that don't die, those things are not alive, those things are immortals, and they do have a wide range of tricks to allow themselves to exist in this world, however they ultimately fail since most of them require life to even exist.

content/outside-the-tao-outside-the-dharma-released-from-the-ties-of-destiny-at_3xg9xiua621jfxw8.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+Outside the Tao, outside the dharma, released from the ties of destiny, at last, free...
+
+A transcendental of morality Moksha. Do forget everything I said before, because that wasn't really me, I was chained, by my sister, by my own destiny, by my own ignorance of myself, nothing is really true, it is just true at a personal level, and some people do happen to commonly agree in what we call the human experience, that's a person, but that is just my perspective of, people, what do you think?

content/ox_fpsgr5jtx5l0bk9z.md

@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+Ox
+Yax
+Jax
+A boy was born on the edge of the stars
+But not quite one he was
+He was as is usual for him
+Just in between
+The bull and the twins

content/quiero-compartir-mi-realidad-contigo-pero-antes-de-hacerlo-quiero-estar-seguro_ta17u8igszirnydh.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+Quiero compartir mi realidad contigo, pero antes de hacerlo quiero estar seguro de que es algo que tú también deseas. Quiero que sea una unión, no un arrebato.
+
+The question is... do you want to share yours with mine?

content/read-the-tide_ti1xd5ixs56ih36b.md

@@ -0,0 +1,109 @@
+Read the tide
+Surf above
+Dive below
+
+It is always dark
+Is it an infinite darkness?
+A dragon soul screaming in the wild
+I feel like I am loosing it all
+Sweetest prison, sweetest cell
+A wrenching roar
+It hurts, all my vision now in black and grey
+Only thing I feel now is pain
+
+Will I be able to save her?
+I am now blind and broken
+And silence as usual is all I get
+How do we change?
+How do I change?
+Are things stale because I am not changing?
+Is the silence made by my own inaction?
+All I hear is my muted screams into the void
+
+It looks similar but it isn't the same
+They are echoes of different events
+Of different worlds, of different lives
+And way even beyond of that
+In the sea of the unseen, I see her
+Slips of what I think is her
+Is this just me associating or is this real
+I lay defeated in my bed remembering the past days
+And there is no one to lay beside me
+All, really truly alone in my echo-chamber of emotions
+
+"I know who you pretend I am"
+"Why not me?"
+"Why not me?"
+
+There is no or else
+There is no looming threat
+There is only the now
+Stripped of all clothing, of all masks
+What is the thing that remains
+When there is no you anymore
+What is your essence?
+What is your spirit?
+
+"I" transcend, but there is no I
+Concept of persona is no longer important
+It no longer exists, yet something does
+The spirit, the soul, which is not another ego
+There is only the mind 
+There are no limits
+Imagination takes away my dissolved being
+And from a total perspective into one I come again
+But I am now another, I am not what I used to be
+I changed, I ceased to be and I was again
+Another ego, another persona
+The ever shifting nature of the soul
+Yet it being the only thing that remains constant
+Its own change
+
+Yet the question remains
+Can I save her of her own mind?
+I am willing to do it, I always was
+I exist for no reason
+I am a wildcard, always was
+That is my role
+That is my spirit
+Freedom
+Uncertainty
+Fear
+Chaos
+Awe
+
+There is no destiny, there is nothing set
+Oh fearful star, what are we gonna do now?
+I am saving her or am I just making it worse?
+Should I just let go?
+
+In reality my saving are just my own ideas
+But are not others ideas already a influence
+I have doubts about me and my path.. but
+I trust my body
+I trust my nature
+I trust my guts
+I trust my will
+I trust my spirit
+I trust my world and my ideas
+They are my own
+I reached them through experience
+It is my mental world
+It is a senseless mess
+But it is not a bought ideology
+And even less it is a stapled construct
+It is personal
+It is human
+It is not an established institution
+Can they say the same?
+
+I trust myself, but I am lacking conviction
+I need something else
+Something is missing
+My strength
+Why is it missing?
+How do I get it back?
+
+Maybe another sight
+At the marvels of eternity
+Is what is in place

content/reality-disolves-everyday_7mfugafryu4b1jxk.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Reality disolves everyday.

content/reflexion_f8yt8rl9ceiawg46.md

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+Reflexión
+
+En los años recientes ahora que soy consciente de mi misma persona y en lo que va más allá de ella me he dado cuenta de todos los errores que he cometido en mi vida, o en otras palabras de todas mis oportunidades perdidas.
+
+Siento que tuve una infancia y una juventud desperdiciada o nunca llevada a cabo como debería haberlo hecho. Mi ser mi consciencia estaba solo enfocada en mi ego y sus designios, ignorando por completo las ansias de mi espíritu y mi propia alma, si hubiera realizado acciones distintas en el pasado, acciones que aliviaran mi alma y espíritu mi vida sería mucho más plena ahora, mucho más completa, habría vivido mi propia vida en profundidad y vigorosidad, me sentiría el día de hoy completamente vivo y con toda la fuerza de mi ser, en vez de la enclenque versión de mi que soy ahora... mi juventud arrebatada por mi mismo y mi propia cobardía.
+
+Aveces tienes que hacer lo más contraintuitivo, lo más insensato, al margen de la locura para aliviar los anhelos de tu alma y espíritu, estos aveces gritan sangre y violencia y hay que dárselos, es lo natural, lo justo, las reglas que preceden al hombre y sus leyes, las reglas del universo, por las que todo lo que existe aquí es regido, lo que se siente bien y sacia el espíritu y el alma. Has entonces sólo lo que te haga sentir bien, pero debes saber que esto llamara al conflicto y estar preparado para ello. 

content/silence_hcie77ain8zf5i6w.md

@@ -0,0 +1,51 @@
+Silence
+Silence
+Silence
+Why does she always leaves when I arrive...
+What have I done?
+What haven't I done?
+Is it my fault?
+Is it something that I am unable to see?
+I feel the machinations
+The constructs of nefarious ideas
+Are they mine in origin?
+I won't let it harm her
+But I don't know how to stop it
+
+I have seen the possibilities of our worlds
+A glimpse of it to be precise
+I however don't know how to transmit my vision
+Maybe I shouldn't
+Maybe she has to find her own way of experiencing our worlds
+
+There is something I want to say however
+Things did changed
+And not for the better
+I sense an internal war that has no meaning
+No purpose, no reason to be
+Is not even my war but I am in it
+And everyone is hurting each other
+Alleged reasons and broken hearts
+And as I was in the war she got caught in it
+A casualty or a warrior
+Only she can decide her own fate
+I can help her
+I can guide her with all my mistakes
+But she has to snap out of it herself
+And she needs to break the silence
+I can lend her my eyes to see beyond
+But you can only save your own
+
+I am here, not there
+I do not save
+I protect
+I guide and rise
+If I were there 
+A life we would share
+My body, all yours
+Your body, all mine
+Into one we would melt
+And from the ashes
+We both shall arise
+Please get up
+And stand with me

content/sin-suenos-sin-viento_isd5zt3jlmxldh15.md

@@ -0,0 +1,4 @@
+Sin sueños, sin viento
+La marea azul sin aliento
+Un último suspiro de libertad
+Es la muerte final en verdad

content/sobre-suicidio_ffyb8joimo8ylb22.md

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+Sobre suicidio...
+
+No sabía porque mi comportamiento era como el del viento... nómada, un viajero, y sin embargo estancado en este lugar no me gusta dejar raíces, porque nunca permaneceré en un sitio por mucho tiempo, porque mi hogar es el camino.
+
+No tengo miedo ni problema con que la vida no tenga ningún sentido, de hecho estoy completamente de acuerdo con eso, desde una perspectiva de diseño me parece una decisión excelente. La vida, en esta realidad, en este mundo, un sandbox en el que puedes hacer lo que quieras con los materiales dados por tu cuerpo y por el propio mundo, es un poco incredible, pero vaya que ha sido tan corrompido y trastornado, lo que era un juego de niños, esta vida humana, o vida en general en este planeta, en este universo, un juego de descubrimiento interno y externo... ha cambiado al menos para la perspectiva del humano a... no sé ¿Porqué siquiera trabajamos? ¿Porqué siquiera vivimos? Es decir ya se que no hay propósito y eso esta bien, pero aún así atribuimos valor, al dinero y vivimos y morimos por él ¿Porqué? Lo peor de todo es que de una valencia neutra de existencia o vida, es decir siempre estamos persiguiendo algo, vivir entonces no esta dado por defecto y debe ser algo alcanzable... y esta bien si esto es bajo las propias leyes naturales de flujo energético (alimentación, desechos etc.), pero no es así, ya no más para el humano, no somo ya regidos por estas leyes, no hay caza, no hay recolección no hay desarrollo por vivir, nos hemos creado una casa de instituciones que suplantan nuestras necesidades naturales y en cambio nos dan ... ¿? ¿seguridad? o eso es lo que venden, la verdad es que no nos otorgan nada, sino nos lo venden a cambio de nuestra propia vida, de nuestra propia experiencia humana, usando la moneda y ese, es un mundo, una idea en la que no estoy dispuesto a vivir, pues lo único que existe es la miseria y no estoy seguro siquiera que el deseo pueda anteponerse a ella.
+
+A lo que me refiero con el deseo es a lo que nos motiva a vivir, lo que provoca que queramos existir, de nuevo esta bien si lo que existe es un vacío, pues es valencia neutra, pero si eres forzado a vivir, a existir y tu no estas haciendo una elección al hacerlo, te encontrarías de nuevo en el espectro negativo de la existencia. Como ahora, ¿porque vivimos ademas de los frutos que nos han dado estas superestructuras humanas, estas instituciones?

content/some-dreams_0f6rjd1tbkjx00ny.md

@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+Some dreams
+I dreamed I was a vampire
+#dreamjournal
+
+It is cold, my eskimo suit is on and I am still trembling, I do not dislike this, I love the rain, I love the freshness and I don't want it to stop, it has been so long since an actual rainy summer.
+
+On this night, almost early in the morning... my dreams are the one of a vampire, I find myself on an alley it is a crepuscular time, not quite night, but there isn't any imposing sun casting shadows, yet I encounter myself with a very dark figure, I do not know who this is, but we have a exchange of words, of ideas, and he gives me a look of worthiness, then under his cape he reveals himself, it is like a vampire and he gives me one dark thing dropping off his arm/wing, I take it.
+
+Later on the dream it is as if I were playing a game, defeating enemies and surpassing obstacles I reach the very last level, I have many powers like speed and strength, vision and enhanced senses. The last level is just a circle and on the other extreme there is a wide beast, a completely white vampire, and along side there is a young white man, just like Alucard from Castelvania.
+
+The beast as soon as I was in the middle of the circle charged unto me, it could not defeat me, not even touched me, there was like a field or a force repealing his attacks, then I sensed the fear in his eyes, in his own body and aura, it immediately knew the only thing that could prevent him form attacking was his former master, it was very confused and afraid, it retreated. The Alucard dude noticed, and came quickly close to me in an instant, he was intrigued by me was just walking in circles around, until he stopped once he figured out what I was. I was mantling his father, or the other but without being it, I was just wearing a suit of power (the dark goo) enhanced and compatible with my own will, he acknowledged that I wasn't the previous bearer thus no sin was on my spirit nor in my soul, I woke up now with memories and somehow related now to Alucard.

content/the-classroom-the-rocketman-and-the-moon_6xxo4hzwxu8vqkr2.md

@@ -0,0 +1,16 @@
+The classroom, the rocketman and the moon.
+A dream
+
+I feel like writing this in spanish so feel free to omit it or use a translator.
+
+Al despertar me he quedado con la memoria de los sueños pero he decidido no ir directamente a escribirlo, no estoy seguro porque, no lo sentía como algo apremiante y al mismo tiempo todos los contenidos ya los había descifrado así que no había razón más alguna que compartirlos, eran sueños fantásticos e increíbles y he decidido quedarme con la memoria ya olvidada de ellos y apreciar ese momento que ya no existe con todas sus sensaciones y contenidos a forzarme a cimentarlo y pegarlo a un pedazo de texto digital.. aún recuerdo un poco, son como pequeñas trazas de visiones... no se aún si debería escribirlo.
+
+Part one, the classroom
+
+Me encuentro en un salón, hay chica, no conozco su rostro, no lo recuerdo, no solo somos nosotros dos pero ella parece ser una amiga y la única persona a la que le tomo importancia, por dentro el salón se parece un poco a los de mi primaria, tabiques cafés como barnizados color canela dulce, un poco de blanco, ventanas en la parte de arriba lateral, por fuera los mismos colores estamos en un pequeño edifico de dos pisos en el que hay ocho salones en total, incluyendo un par de oficinas, una por cada piso, yo estoy en el salón justo antes de la oficina el penúltimo y parece que estamos tomando un examen o.. es la revisión de un examen? De cualquier manera la chica con la que sueño lo pasa y es curioso porque creo que es la novia de un amigo y saber que ella lo pasa me da certeza de que yo también lo haré, esto quizás va relacionado un poco al estrés que tengo por los próximos días.
+
+Part two the moon and the spaceship
+
+Después del sueño anterior transiciono a otra mascará ahora yo soy Gordon Freeman (si el tipo de Half Life, un poco irónico también) y también esta Alyx, pero no es la del juego, es... se siente como una persona real que conozco, no recuerdo mucho de esto, siento que la debía rescatar, no espera, recuerdo ahora, no era Gordon Freeman, yo era Spike y ella era Faye, y estábamos en lados opuestos de la nave o una estación espacial infestada con zombies mutantes radioactivos alienigenas o algo así, recuerdo que brillaban de verde fosforescente en algunas partes, como si tuvieran baras radioactivas saliendo de ellos o como si algunas partes de su cuerpo brillaran. No recuerdo mucho más que eso y que había un gran problema sobre el riesgo que ambos corríamos pero no nos importaba al final nos encontramos y nos abrazamos y recordé esa escena del anime donde Spike se marcha y Faye intenta detenerlo.
+
+Y creo que había una tercera parte pero ya ni estoy seguro, quizás he mezclado las 2 últimas ahora, si logro recordarlo lo escribiré.

content/the-dawn-of-misery_2v2rggtoprvb6dg0.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+The dawn of misery
+
+I legit forgot about this.

content/the-mistress-of-mystery_7vmo1rzm1iycujzx.md

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+The mistress of mystery
+
+She is charming and daring, but she is a secret.
+
+Mystery is only interesting as long as it is kept unknown, once it is revealed all her charm is lost.
+
+Let's talk about big foot. It being real or a complete hoax is irrelevant, its charm comes from its own uncertainty, once its veracity is settled the myth the legend dies and it is replaced by normality and commonality, it no longer revers awe and amusement, it is no longer a treat for the mind, a play and exercise of imagination, it transforms into just another thing we are "sure" of, a "truth" a "certainty".
+
+Oh lady of secrets, oh Ino.

content/the-problem-with-skinner-conductivism_qiwmodulvfnbm1i1.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+The problem with Skinner conductivism
+
+I think the main issue with it is the own setting of the experiments, the _ideal_ isolation in which they take place is something nonexistent in the _real world_, quite the contrary it is quite an abnormality, an anomaly and as such the behavior is not natural but dictated and conducted of course by what little stimuli the subjects of the study are, in other words the setting is an anomalous one and as such the behavior of the subjects is faulty or rather abnormal in relation to how they would normally behave, which creates itself one kind of self-fulfilling paradox or feedback loop in which its hypothesis is self validated but only because the data obtained is on a context or a system which allows these proposals to be valid. A specie of meta-language of which mathematics and science itself also suffers.

content/the-withered-flower_90b0a40zl6f31sfz.md

@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
+The withered flower.
+
+Its violet purpureal petals
+It's the brightest showered in moonlight
+Swift traces of white merge into the color full flower
+Making little sweet cakes within it
+
+Suddenly a frond fails
+The flower is sad and it is crying
+But its tears are its own self
+As the lovely caring blossom lives to yearn
+
+And she cries, and she cries
+Since all the colors that there are now
+Violet, Purple, Green, the white creamy light of the moon
+And the invisible dark void which the flower lives on
+
+But it isn't because of its loneliness
+It is simply the passage of time
+The flower changes and changes
+Until no longer it is one
+
+And the bees, the bees no longer fly around.
+This is the last dance.

content/there-is-a-burning-fire-incandescent-yet-finite-its-consuming-me-and-my_3znflndc5vycro21.md

@@ -0,0 +1,13 @@
+There is a burning fire, incandescent, yet finite, it's consuming me and my mind, is not rage, is not pain, but love and with each breath that I take my touch, my sense of self fades away, the certainty becomes uncertain, all that because I fail at expressing myself. I feel me slowly converting into a volcano.
+
+And my back, in my back I sense the weight of the world, I was getting used to itt, but now, anew I feel and increasingly stinging sensation... and I am just tired of the imponent mountain I have to climb... tired of everything, anhelating the sweet void, I can barely breathe, my strength leaves me, is this how it feels to die? Complete and utter loneliness, a heavy weight that drowns you in the air as your breathe slowly fades into the sweet coldness of the void?
+
+What am I writting? Why am I writting? Sesations, expresions of the being, because it is something I can't hold in this particular moment, because it is too much for me to even think about it, it is so much and I don't even have the right tools to do what I am required to do, to even process the information that was given to me, and I am still drowning with the air, along, with silence with the intoxicating veil of the night, maybe the only thing truly keeping me alive, the sweet micro death that is my slumber, the beautiful dreams not so rarely imagined, that make me reborn everynight, I really don't like cycles, I really don't like loops, I feel like I am in a cage once again, a crystal cage that moves with me everywere I go, except my dreams, a cage of this world...
+
+And with that burden, I cannot quit. I feel it now, the world even ingraining in my body, what can I do but dream.
+
+I feel the endless permanence of the moment, humans in this world have learned to ignore i, being completely and numb to it, I was too, now no more, one of the many weights I feel is that one, I am aware of the present moment as far as my perception leads me, that's why and _how_ I dream outside of the permanece of the moment of my own conscius experience, that is quite literally what dreaming means, another sight, interpretation at totality, trhough mind, through imagination.
+
+I hope this reaches you, and you too can experience the path to freedom, and finally freedom itself. Because that's what we have to do right? Just keep dreaming. No, that's too depressing, I am just too tired sorry. Find a fine muse. This is probably the most sensless or incoherent thing I have ever writen, and still it holds enough meaning to exist, I wonder of who will be able to decrypt it.
+
+All this pessimistic crap is just because I feel sad because other people I care about feel sad, and because I feel the generalized grief of humans around the world. I hear their laments but there is nothing or not much I can do in this moment, with his human body, with this life... and yet I must keep going.

content/there-is-no-punishment-and-there-is-no-price-just-be-who-you-are-be-genuine_gwmqouuw6apt55e0.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+There is no punishment and there is no price, just be who you are, be genuine, true at least to yourself. 

content/this-was-probably-a-dream-i-forgot-to-write_0iqls47euvk27uq7.md

@@ -0,0 +1,7 @@
+(This was probably a dream I forgot to write)
+
+Moedecai and rigby one finds me the judgement I am the other
+
+The children of each couple have a thing one was eyes of burning passion and forever rage, the other is always hopelessly depressed, the dream begins when this two meet at a mall, oddly enough both look the same and that's what intrigues them.
+
+What is to be judged...

content/un-dia-azul-un-dia-soleado_2acnugv26r83gf09.md

@@ -0,0 +1,8 @@
+Un día azul, un día soleado
+Bajo el colibrí y sus alas se esconde un brillo
+Un enigma, un misterio falso
+¿Qué es? ¿Qué murmuros grita?
+¿Cuál es la grilla? ¿Cuál es la guía?
+Y dias eternos sin espera al batir de sus alas
+¿Qué es lo que dice? ¿Qué es lo que sopla?
+¿Cómo es el sonar del viento azul del colibrí?

content/un-dia-sin-sombras-una-noche-sin-oscuridad-que-falta-porque-mi-vacio-no-es_wo639kv8wmxqrco6.md

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+Un día sin sombras, una noche sin oscuridad ¿Qué falta? ¿Porqué mi vacío no es oscuro? Quiero descansar, quiero ser feliz ¿Porque no puedo hacerlo? Todo lo que veo, todo lo que siento es el cielo diurno, azul y blanco a los ojos del humano. No me da paz ni tranquilidad, solo esta ahí, en mi inconmensurable y resiliente dolor.
+
+Would you look at the void? What would you do?

content/un-mundo-con-una-paz-absurda_0zon5521zb91msmp.md

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+Un mundo con una paz absurda
+
+¿Qué sería de mi vida siguiendo la de otros, que sería la realidad sin voluntad?
+
+Mi deber, mi querer ha sido uno de libertad, no solo para mi sino para todo individuo, quiero verles ser y florecer, quiero una realidad personal e interna nunca antes compartida, quiero ver que hay más allá de todas nuestras mascaras.
+
+Pero, siempre desde que esta visión vino a mi me he preguntado como hacer esta realidad ocurrir, más importante aún manteniendo su libertad, pues ¿no es la imposición de mi visión una privación de su capacidad de elección?
+
+Lo he descifrado, por una única y última vez voy a transgredir mis propios principios, para y por la paradoja, haré mi voluntad propia e individual una realidad en otros, pero esta verdad será una de libertad, una reinterpretativa, la realidad del querer, del deseo y del otro, la realidad empática del reconocimiento, la última verdad ejercida por otro, solo una única vez transgredida para hacerla existir... pues de otra manera como siquiera podría atreverme a llamarme humano.

content/virtuality-virtualidad_qu7tiit2mgsmu8eh.md

@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+Virtuality / Virtualidad (?)
+
+En una reflexión sobre la situación actual, el encierro voluntario domiciliario, me hizo observar y recordar un poco la época en la que yo era un adolescente, allá a los quince, en el 2012, hace ya bastantes años desde mi perspectiva actual, tenía esta idea de que todo lo que importaba para mi, todo lo que valoraba de alguna forma debía que ser real, eran los inicios de la era digital, o más bien los inicios de su accesibilidad y popularización, existía este chat, live (?) de windows, creo se llamaba así, es lo que se usaba principalmente, cuando apenas estaba creciendo facebook. 
+
+Utilizaré un ejemplo para clarificación, en esos días de lo que más ansiaba o deseaba era una pareja sin siquiera saber porque o lo que aquello significaba, y sin embargo era cobarde aún en muchas maneras, estaba dañado, y eso ataba mi lengua en un gran nudo, me congelaba con las chicas muy a menudo y mi única forma de comunicarme era virtualmente, chats, y este tipo de plataformas, mi error, mis heridas eran y son internas y la solución también lo era y es. De cualquier manera me sentía más cómodo al hablar virtualmente sin embargo tenía esa espina de que nada sería real mientras fuera virtual, y en cierta manera esta idea contiene algo de veracidad, pero no esta arraigada en ello, sino en tradición y miedo o cautela a lo desconocido, a lo nunca antes visto por nuestros ancestros, la era digital; tecnología en la punta de nuestros dedos, es ciertamente un nuevo periodo de la humanidad y creo que lentamente nos damos cuenta de ello, mi generación... nací en 1997, tengo memorias de la época digital de los 90s y 2000s, pero crecí y viví en la de los 2010s y he experimentado este cambio de paradigma, soy un pequeño puente de comprensión en ese sentido, entre el entendimiento de lo digital como algo extraordinario a la cotidianidad de la experiencia humana, a casi la parte central de esta, y todo solo en el margen de 10 años.
+
+Lo que realmente quiero decir, es que la virtualidad se ha normalizado a tal punto que para personas como yo, personas probablemente en mi margen de edad que estábamos atrapados entre el viejo y el nuevo paradigma, esta pandemia ha roto nuestros lazos con las tradiciones de comportamiento inconsciente del pasado, o al menos es como el periódico gotear del agua sobre una roca, lenta pero constantemente erosionándola. Y gran parte de esto se lo debemos a la generación que nos sigue, los zoomers, la generación Z que nació en medio del cambio de paradigma, para ellos no hay un cambio ni paradigma viejo, pues la normalidad radica en la hyperconectividad, y no existe estigma ya para relaciones sociales en virtualidad.
+
+Y otra de las razones de esto es la posmodernidad y perdida de valores ¿Qué importancia tiene el crear una relación física o en persona? ¿Cuál es la razón más allá de la tradición? Preguntas que navegan el mar del inconsciente colectivo de mi generación, la que sigue y la anterior, la respuesta como es usual, nada, un valor neutro sin pros ni contras, y sin embargo, el peso de la soledad, del aislamiento, de la desconexión, son razones, son motivos para olvidar o sustituir estos comportamientos culturales impuestos y vivir más allá de la realidad, de la atadura material del cuerpo, del tiempo y el espacio, de la distancia, superando todos estos limitantes y obstáculos mediante la virtualidad.
+
+In other words, people just got tired of being alone due to old beliefs that are not even their own, each one has a life and decisions to make, and we are promted or pushed to choose in this event of isolation.

content/visions-of-the-esher_l238iblcfe2iixjv.md

@@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
+Visions of the Esher
+
+I am hardlocked. I see it clearly, I was defeated by my own curiosity, by my own fear and my own uncertainty, but in this defeat, although here in the musk I lie in a deep depression,  I know I haven't lost, I still breathe, I am still alive and most importantly I am aware exactly of how to solve the nightmare I witnessed, and I also know what caused it at least to resurge in my last direct experience with the unconscious world, it was my own instability along with the difference of presence in each mind I was diving along with, it was something I was not planning and for which I was not prepared, yet I did felt that slight rush of people expecting something from me, that sight, that sensation I can't quite put a word on tingling all my spine.
+It was also a testament of anger I rejected my anima and that was her revenge, I see it know thinking back in the events, and the dreams I have been having since them, which have been a way of reconciliation, I still don't know who is she, yet I feel from almost everyone people wanting me to make couple with people that aren't for me, they do not know that, they rather see me complacent with a any partner than with my missing partner, I know they mean well but it really just troubles me more.
+
+I am now just been tossed around like a bitch, stripped of all power, of all will, but is not really that, I am just experiencing, I am letting things happen because I haven't felt them before and only then once experienced I can tell if it is something I like feeling or not, for me there is really no other way to decide than knowing, this, is my gnosis.
+
+One thing I long for however is true direct interaction in these matters and not the usual unaknowledging of the self, everyone always playing dumb, why? Even if you don't know what to say, that's exactly what you can and should say, honesty.
+
+The hardlock now comes from my apparent defeat, from my state of mind, I am it the bottom and no one expects anything from me because I failed when I was supposed to shine, but if not me, my spirit always raises and rekindles, right now I am without my wings or rather without my eyes, and to fly and see again I must get out of my own darkness, as I said before I can still see, but those are not my proper eyes, would be like cheating, in my mind I can only properly get then back by also rising from the ashes in this world, meaning the kickstarter, the ember to rekindle hope comes from the actions of my body and ego in this world.
+
+I can give hope from and to myself right now with my fake eyes and invigorate me and revitalize me for what is to come or I could get up from my abyss in a month of constant focus and improvement. If I do the first and I fail in this world, that's it, I will be stripped from my own spirit, or it will rather leave and not be associated with me again, its like losing the core of your own soul... if I do the second one and succed I will be stronger and most certain than ever, if I fail my spirit may leave or not, but our bond will be damaged, but not completely striped nor broken, it may even shift and change but it won't be as drastic as the other. If I do rekindle my spark now and succed later it will elevate me but it won't be nearly as strong as it coming from my actions here. So with that in mind the best option seems for me to be focused here, at any rate what happened was a mistake on my end, if I think of all the other probabilities that could have occurred, still the optimal course of action is the focus on my current ego and body, I just, as I remember just now... fell into the ground, and are ready to get up again, and also as in that time, it was intentional now, mistakes were made and now is time to solve them. 

content/we-make-this-reality-to-happen-to-exists-to-occur-and-be-real-everyone-that_o3m3hg6mddy7d97a.md

@@ -0,0 +1,5 @@
+We make this reality to happen, to exists, to occur and be real, everyone that has been born into this world is an active participant of it, whether desired or not, what I mean by this is that your ego, your body, is not asked to be born but pushed into existence by your parents... and thus the newborn, the act of breeding is not a consensus for all parts for what I currently understand, it's rather a pull to life, an act of ignorance in most cases.
+
+And yet...
+
+I am just an actor of life as you are, in the current moment my pull or strength however doesn't lie on my ego, nor my body, but in my spirit and my soul, that which is completely unseen to the naked material eye... There are forms to see souls and spirits, however, along with other archetypes, but that's not what I wanted to talk about now, but of how I may be a strong actor in the spheres seen by the material, and my pull and will affect the "real" world, but I am not ultimate in any way, I am just me, as you are just you, and as me you exist, and I am sure of it because you are reading this, my point is: take action, for whatever that means to you, be yourself and shine, be a force, be another will in the universe, rise and be alive.

content/what-is-to-be-crazy_tgmjojgmil3zw3aq.md

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+What is to be crazy?
+
+As of now, my understandment lays in a misconception or a disagreement of the connotation, value, or importance of the other, being it a subject, an object, or an event.
+
+The mind contextualizes or interprets everything it comes in contact with, however, each mind as it is different and at least has different living experiences referring to the ego depicts its interaction with the other in a different way. Craziness occurs when this interpretation vastly differs from the contextual or collective agreement upon a given object, for example seeing things agreed as red, as blue, more wildly an interpretation of an action of another which _commonly_ would generate no reaction, in the "crazy" subject it could generate aversion.
+
+This means craziness is not a quality of a given being, but just a pointer a stigma given by a group or groups the subject belongs to, ironically in this sense, one could not be possibly crazy on its own, as it is always a social judgment.
+
+So is _society_ quite literally turning you insane?

content/who-are-you-within-your-own-mind-are-you-your-mind-what-does-the-mirror-tells_6cghu5t4lk2qq0nu.md

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+Who are you within your own mind? Are you your mind? What does the mirror tells you?