---
title: A destruction instinct
date: 2021-06-10T21:31:16Z
author: "Lumin"
tags: [
    "imported",
    "old blog",
    "write.as", 
]
---

A call for demise
Its not even rage
I just want to destroy everything that is nice
Why?
I feel like I am going to set everything asunder
Just how it has happened before
I don't want this to happen
I don't want to hurt people that don't deserve it

A shadow looms above my shoulders
It is as heavy as the world
It doesn't leave
I am tired
My body is tired
My soul is tired
All I wish like this is to fall and never wake up again
This is not poetry
This is just shitty rambling
The weight does soften once I write off my charge

I as usual wonder how to change annihilation impulse

It is odd I was feeling not troubled by this once I wrote it
Now as re-reading it the next day and I feel bad by it once again
Like if I got back into that thought
I want them to live in peace 
I want them to be happy
I want my own death
